I Can Stay At Your Place

i know you see me as my eyes plead with yours to scoop me up and carry me home. is it okay if i call it home now too? they left me out there to die, the knives in so deep they're jabbed in the bone, and i'll take them out when we get back, i just can't do it alone.

the entire ride home we baked in the suspense, refusing to break the damp silence, but i wanted so badly to share it all with you - to tell you everything. i wanted to tell you how i expended all my energy avoiding aged demons that kept me from sleeping, and how all the dodging did me no good cause once i was drained they let themselves in and did a dance on the past couple years, spared me nothing, i got stabbed all the times i had coming. but i knew you wouldn't judge me like the others. you stopped my breakdown, made me turn corners. and i was broken, but you were boring. i was hostile, but you sought more from it.

i'm glad i survived this long, so my enemies couldn't see me die, the last bits of anger dripping out on your floor, at the very beginning when you pulled them out all you could hear was the frustrations pour.

Strangled By An Apparition

i woke up in the middle of the night and i was crying. i was tightly clutching my own shoulder, and as i tried to release the grasp my muscles ached as the tension died away. i continued to cry for a couple seconds until i was completely still. my body and subconscious couldn't forgive my conscious mind for failing to remember the trauma, an apparent nightmare.

this all comes a couple days after i let out these little whimpers on my walk to school one morning. the weather wasn't particularly bad, and i wasn't particularly sad. but it was indisputably the sound that is produced - maybe in preparation, maybe in prevention - when someone is just about to cry. at the time it aroused questions in my mind as to where my day was going, but everything turned out fine from there on.

so i'm just angry with my subconscious. it should be following suit with the rest of me, not nudging me towards a mental breakdown.