8/28/10

on my train home from my first day of class i spotted this charming old man, skinny as could be, alone, bouquet of flowers in hand. he was so skinny through his clothes you could see his bones, the shirt was just hanging on him. he was so fragile and when i got a closer look at the flowers they looked as sad as him, mostly baby breath. i wondered if he found them pretty or if it's all he could afford. when i first started speculating where he was going i thought a girlfriends or maybe a granddaughters graduation party. then it slowly occurred to me what if it was a grave he was headed to.

his wifes 10 year death anniversary. somebody what - 6 feet under the ground - buried, being visited by probably one of the few souls left who even cares. her body wasting away only slightly less than his own. he briefly wishes doctor assisted suicide was legal, but then he hears her voice, all those years ago, while laying on her death bed. she said she'd be waiting for him. the scenes outside passing so fast he considers the terms of the vow - would she still be waiting after this long? after all he had waited for her, still bound to she who no longer existed in a tangible form. he thought it would be insulting to their marriage to stray even inches.

upstairs she was scrambling to make arrangements for their reunion, knowing much better than him the wait was almost over.

he got off at jamaica where we made eye contact, but his face was now expressionless.

Mother Fracture

You Think: you know people, you know them from the inside out, you know their core, their soul. you know their quirks and their attributes, their basics - the building blocks of them without a question. if they were in the body of an antelope moping around you'd know it was them. if they caught the breeze and were a tulip you'd smell them and see the way they moved and you'd recognize it as your pal. if they danced with a stranger or begged for a quarter to make a call you'd know. you'd know it was them.

However: once you're sold out, you're sanity leaves and you begin to believe that you didn't know nothing. what you knew was a hoax, and they set you up. they sold you to a pawn shop for way less then your worth. you are stupid. and you're me.

But: you will wake up. you will overcome. you will take on the day and satisfy things that never needed satisfaction. you will prove yourself wrong, and make fundamental changes that you knew you had to but never insisted upon. you will break the cycle and move from the range of the anger left from the tiniest bit of your heart. eventually everyone needs to restart. and begin anew.

Then Again: nothing is easy. and life is a boat that sets sail on a shallow pond with the fondest of folks and if you don't take part and look for some fondness everything will be worthless and beyond what you thought was a furnished life with love.

SO JUST COME. HOP ON. LEAN OVER THE BOW.