FAQ's

i saw a canvas tote bag with the inscription "i left my heart in california". how nice for that girls heart. its probably sunbathing in a bikini with a frozen cocktail at hand.

i think i left mine somewhere between stability and risk. but after high school. and not too far from now.
somewhere my heart is left sitting on a park bench holding a cardboard sign and on that sign is the handwritten note "i'm a veteran i need money for food". my heart has its eyes closed somewhere. it can't see, it's probably alone, and it definitely misses me.

"do i miss it" you all ask? and i'd love to sit back put my feet up and gush to you about how much i do. but i'm an honest person, i make an honest living, and i'd like to write an honest blog if you don't mind. so, for the record that is this blog, let me say i don't exactly miss it. i miss the heart i had back in the good ol' days, but not the one i left that's holding that sign now. not the one that's skipping beats. quite frankly i've had the passing thought that maybe i'm better off without it. can you picture that? me either so i put it down immediately and went forward.

anyway its all really irrelevant because i don't have the luxury of remembering where i left it. and even if i had it's all just speculation. that stuff about it missing me.

back home i'm beginning to let myself go and i don't care who knows it (which should be made apparent by this here blog entry). i think its fairly safe to say i've gained a couple pounds. and may gain a couple more.

run away, run away

i think about running away soon. i would cross state lines, go by a different name, and pick up solitaire. i wouldn't make any friends because i wouldn't talk to a soul. i'd resort to pick pocketing and black market sales in the beginning. i'd scour the streets with my head down looking for cigarette butts and complain about big brother and the welfare state. all my despair would reach the surface and start spilling over. i'd make it a point to get drunk everyday before noon, and if someone asked me how i was i'd snap back that i'm better than them. i'd triumph over the enslaved bourgeoisie with my self-reliant tendencies. i'd then find work as a store clerk and with that i'd rediscover the weekly paycheck. i would then take my earnings down to the closest theater and i'd see a movie. i would go alone and i'd be more than happy to do it.

i wouldn't wonder how i could feel so lonely, for once i'd know.

when i was re-released back into my old stomping grounds i'd notice everything was just as i had left it. and i'd slowly slink back to my old ways. several years later i'd struggle trying to recount the time i left life.