A Gust At Sea; Above Me

you inflated my heart with the densest bliss
a tragic irony that brought me to sink
far beyond the surface of water
i wasn't sure you could get any further

just if you'd paddle out to me
underneath the lonely sea
submerged yet together, we'd want to be wetter

but you're filled with all that glorified suburban stuff
really though, how long until you make that jump?
i'm sure in that if you do you'll never find love
because shut out feelings tend to add up

The Heart Not On My Sleeve

last night before i fell asleep i was thinking about my heart, not the one that belongs to an ex-lover, but the tangible one that's sitting in my chest cavity, beating, and working to sustain my life. i have no control over this, it is completely involuntary (although i've read people can meditate and slow their heart rate down to like two beats per minute - i'm not one of those buddhist monks though, and dear reader i doubt you are either) and even though i've known this for quite sometime i was surprised because life is really very voluntary, especially for those with access to a gun, a piece of rope, a plastic bag, a train, a knife, a plethora of pills, a car and garage, or a tall building with roof access. and while the ease of suicide is depressing - paired with the fact we can so easily slip into a bout of sadness with lingering suicidal thoughts, the fact of the matter becoming even more depressing - i found myself rather optimistic about life because lying in my bed, alone for the first time in nights, i knew that tomorrow i'd wake up and go out there and my heart would already be beating for me!