There's No Equation, It's Far Too Complicated

 I set the dominos up, you push the first piece

Our love is a fire with a breeze

It spreads, to death

I look up out the windshield, at the night sky, navy blue, I lose track of time

I want to touch it so I reach out my hand

You’re a blockbuster, but free on demand

I love the way you ooze emotion

A stop motion picture, but you a freelance lover

I get pieces but its nearly not enough

I want all of you but can I settle for some?

I made an acquisition, but I swear that it’s done

Parts of me you can’t imagine and I hope you never have to

I’m raindrops in a thunderstorm

The least likely to feel remorse

God creates new days - new course but sometimes the clouds disparage my sight

I’ve been handed all I need I shutter cause I acquiesce

A past I can seldom leave in that tense

You ever wonder on what you’re worth depends ? Look up at the universe the subtraction don’t add up

Numerals and figures but I hear god whisper “there’s no equation, it’s far too complicated”

All saints day, tomorrow reserved for the souls

Purgatory, spell binding surgery bringing me to Christ

I’m singing throwing dice, I’ll gamble with a handful of spirits

I'm out of sight

Your Image Like Direct Sunlight

delete this message that I'm about to send you
one hand on the wheel, another in the pot, one pushing your buttons,
I love it when you shout
I'm a wolf, and i howl at the moon, i'm falling for you
and when these sky lights go off you can dream up thoughts about who you'd like to be
you're the origin of me
your hair, your marks, and i'm gasping for air in this dark
it's a shallow ditch that we drown in
there's no way around it, self sabotage never felt so glamorous
the feelings like we don't belong
but I'll be there to catch you when you fall
I think too fast, I get too hot, sweat drips red like the fire you wrote about
the ashes are so fine, they too drift up to the sky, no direction
i can barely comprehend a mix
wait, do you believe in the subconscious?
mine is rallying, ever the underdog
i think i'm a writer till i pick up the pen, 1,000 words we'll go at it again
a soul in debt to sin, I'm at it again
steal the art from your eyes, ur reflection is my only vice
your image like direct sunlight

A Diety

soul crushing. and she said “looks like you lost your best friend”. i reply that it’s been happening for a while. when I was younger I believed. And it all fell to peices. I built it all back up, but the design was so fragile. All that work for what? she says “have you had enough?”. a diety, and she believes in me, but she’s an apparition, the only one who appears to be listening.  she tells me “life begins with you”, and I remind of her what I’ve been through. She can let the dust settle on instructions and a menu, of all that I desire, ideas that coincide with facts that I’m a liar. She flatters me, my own creation, a mirror for how I’m doing lately.

Break Rank

you’re terminally ill
it seems to be contagious
I know your bad side
we practically neighbors
all the evil seems to be sedated
a massive sleeping bear, our hibernation
start to talk and my head aches
the backs of my eyelids replaced with a Microsoft sunset
I’m rapid eye fantasy, and you sway with sterile tides, always out of key, perfection that I see
marry me with silly string that I’ll wrap around your finger, you’ll have to pry me off first, "just married" stapled to the back of a hearse, pill bottles rattle as they drag along the road
celebrate a union, my undoing

these words they have no format, some rhyme and no reason, sweaty palms, i met you in time for this new season
it’s so long to these dog tags
I ended a war within myself
keep an album on shelf, rusted photos of the past, water damage, water logged, years and tears will do that
movements that impress the mind, i left the dead for you to find
I have nothing left to hide
pick me apart; you stay on the sly
we opposites, break rank for death, I’ll keep being me, you stay less and less impressed

Bombs Away

we both yell bombs away
drop an anchor, we’re here to stay
the lesser of evils, a sensual demon
a delicate doe in the winter frost
a street light blows out and we’re lost
we can’t measure the cost of a trauma
tragedy sparks interest, do what we wanna
barefoot in a dark alley, land mines in town, they know me by face, wouldn’t recognize a thought, my latest disappointment weasels it’s way into my birthday month, my problems go down like the sun and it gets dark
the future something or other, like a best friend from back in the day, we grow away, roots take hold, we outstay our welcome, time to move on
i hold you in my arms, ask why you’re saltier than the saddest sea; why you won’t come back to me, and you cordially warn me I’m misinformed about myself and suddenly winter has no end, the distance to hell depends on the price of discretionary minutes and what’s a reason for the pause when everything is moving right along
pushed the plunger on a bundle of joy, and it was all just a ploy, again pressed pause
childhood was paradise when a huge storm sunk the island to the ocean bed
and some of these wars we’re born into and some are up in our head, trouble drawing lines and marking enemies, I live in basic tendencies, is there a way out? It’s strange now, everything is wide eyed, less painful, pulled a steak out of my heart, placed it down, prone to less fighting now

An Audience

somewhere between better and worse
awake and comatose
the scars they don’t hurt, it’s visual impairment
succinct when we handle all our failures
and that’s my preoccupation, the reasons that I left the basement
and self destruction really something when u mixed up in that ego
it’s not sex, it’s a long weekend
hop in the pool, stay out of the deep end
I’ve never been right, I’ve always been sick
play the drums, let’s marry the beat
pass me a receiver, a phone call to your demons
tell them lay low and stay put, we’re all on holiday just searching for the right look
I promise it all, i deliver a thing
the mighty they fall, drag the weak by a string
tricks in my pockets and dice in my drawers, go identify our old selves up at the morgue
whisper all ur problems, I’ll sing them in a song, wrap it in a bow, throw it on a stage
We get the applause, the audience they faint

The Hook

I'm a puppet, you have control of every string except one
the one connected to my tongue
i just use it to sing lullabies, they go something like "we ain't like the other guys
we say exactly what we think, push one another to the brink" that's where we grow. absorb the lowly fashion, believe the others drastic, and hard of hearing
see the finish line? we passed it
this is the winners circle, doesn't it feel all too familiar?
this is patent pending, they can't resemble me or you - we're about to start a coup
i believe in everything, and you believe in some, pacify me translating words that mean we're never done
i talk in the future, you talk in the past, so we're never really
here
conversations span a year, you're everything my dear
never mind the same page, this isn't the same book
but you put out the line, and i repeatedly get the hook

Loose In A Cloud

I took a razor to all the labels on my clothes, that's as far as embroidery goes. A clean slate, a cheap date. the last summer lasted a minute, coming up it's gonna be a mile, I'll go out in style. i get high like the sky, let my thoughts loose in a cloud, they bounce around and lose their earnestness, this relationship is earning us an honorary degree in monogamy. off the market, I'm charming but shy, and I know you ain't the type. I'm devoted to you, I've got nothing to lose, opportunity comes knocking, it can take the door of the hinges, I'm not listening, you give me tunnel visions. you say you never will elect me, i'm scared of the dark, not your bite but your bark. your words plant a stake in my moon and they revolve around my perception, pervade every thought with an honorable mention, this happened too soon, I'm strange and I'm small and you alone answer my call. everything that isn't you is imitation, i sin with patience. you assign a different penance daily, i commit to atonement, its continuous, I'm into you.

Some Action

you got a black sail that carries you away
i pry, but you can't rely on me, it's a game
you have ten year old demons here to stay
repercussions, trampoline jumping - we're fun
i was drawn to your words and your story
i'm a civilian, i'm boring, 9 to 5 and a mortgage
along with your love, my hopes are up
a penny for your thoughts, a farthing for some action
get around to keeping quiet, lies are on deposit
i got a credit with karma, we made a bargain
devil tried to sell my soul, god bought cheap
cement in the basement, stars in the attic
i write these words, this is my tactic
to get a point, across, paradise lost

Button Eyes

you make the stars seem closer, the world seem over, only setting up for a new beginning
i try and listen as the block thickens, make a way, a cross, drag it fifty feet or more
progress is when we drop it
too crazy to continue, an insane innuendo, take a minute, spare a second, i keep on self forgetting
hand your hat in, hands in pockets, famished and rail thin we vanish in thin air, we look closer there - read that twice
you're a bit scarce, cloaked in a garment from a deceased relative, it's all completely relative and thanks for that
learn a lesson, take a step back so you can fit in, it's fantasy
all these words are so abrasive, cut open like a steak knife, you're so irresistible, an artistic criminal, and think you can pin me down, we move around
ohhh this little light of mine, we can't let it die
i cried when you went blind, lost your button eyes, they were hanging by a thread, same eyes that wanted me dead, i still wish them the best
they said "you're up the river with no paddle" and i bet you can't imagine, waters so rough they do damage, but so shallow you can't drown in

Stay Put

your lava low standards
an affair that vanished
an April away from grieving and pain
without winter’s visible breath
an acrid stench that you possess and airport people problems
sorry your plane is grounded
oh i know you think you got it bad
but it’s horrible in fact
payback for the childhood you lack
a return to the jungle
you were cool, loose, let it all hang out
it’s upsetting, no protection
i got you like detention, i’ll see you after school
show you what a pastor do
tell you what they don’t
i am hell on earth, drag you down to the pits
don’t get scared, this is it
you can scream i still won’t stop
we the team, they all get shot
say “get loud i’ll choke you out”
make a sound when I go down
i’ll tear it up but you can’t shout
you nasty just like me, you ain’t showered it’s been weeks
you a bitch and i back down
you beat me black and blue
say “be grateful i’ll draw blood
lately bruises ain’t enough”
we go head to head, winner takes the unwilling back to bed
resistance gets us bothered
sinners like our fathers
forgiveness just gets tarnished
i’m whack as fuck to stay put
look to me to know what lonely do
and know what lonely don’t
hacker of my extravagant parts
you raise hell in a timely fashion and it’s wildly romantic
i just look on
a love that can’t be compromised

HOWMANYTIMES

can you carry me home, if I tell you where to go? Look at the cross streets, these roads are so confusing, intersections in my mind define my character, it's proving that some things can come together. It was all for a place, where i practiced in a space, and I haven't been able to get out of that character i played. come around and tell me how stable you are you, remind me of your marks and scores, i'm sore from finally growing up. line up the ducks, and eggs in a basket, you set an example, remind me to be thankful for the lesson plans and my teacher is father, and i know exactly why i bother, i've convinced myself that you'll be back, it's just as well, as i promise no more trips through hell.

i put on sad melodies as i write down these words, they course through my veins and i spit out the viscous remains, all my harebrained schemes, when will you quit being down on me?

would you feel better if you never saw me fail? then you could imagine that i would never bail? i'm broken and this isn't a competition of into how many pieces, or who has the biggest demons.

could i contemplate your courage if you let go while we danced? Instead you have such a firm grasp with your hands, you're stiff like my dirty socks, i'm stuck in a flurry of bad advice that i give myself, if i listen to the preachers i'll just quit believing that i might just know what's worst for me.

i nailed a list of all my grievances directly to your door, i am martin luther, and you're a storybook prodigy, I knew you weren't right for me so many times, HOWMANYTIMES? countless.

you're an activist and you act as if your fights even really matter. i'm not a martyr, i'll thrive through all my wild childish beliefs, and i'll no longer ask you to believe with me.

I'm A SoundCloud Rapper

The flesh tears off the bone
It’s open and it’s beginning to stink
And I briefly think
Are we out the woods but you give me the goods so why the fuck do I care?
Oh yeahhhh 
Because I project the future it’s filled with fear
Apprehension, you leave from my depression
I retire to the tiniest castle, I call it that it’s made of stone and my imagination is more free to roam
My delusions have delusions as this life gets more confusing
Home is where you find your heart, but mine ran off in several parts
A commencement speech for my sanity and I probably take a bow
There is no audience, I’m speaking to the ground
But heyyyyy
Can u stay, just listen, I’m learning to function and it’s really not easy
A hundred nervous ticks rupture while I speak with a lisp
The day devours my appetite for company
I love when you’re a dick
A masochist, I love good and plenty’s because I hate the way they taste - a basis for all I do, humiliation gets me through
I’ve exposed too much, I’m sick, I’m small, a bit uncalled for in behaviors
Look at this mess I’m making
But ohhhhhh
I love you, nobody else, it’s quite a catastrophe
Climb the steeple, I’ll ring the bell
You left before our trip to hell, I went alone and learned so much
I’ll wait for you to catch up

99 Problems But

There are times I wanna stay single
Say fuck all these women
And all cause of you, your beautiful face
That I’ll never have in it’s entirety, but that would be creepy
So I lay down in the highway, and as I’m waiting for traffic, I think of you berating me, I get up save myself and run back to you
On the way I get lost - there’s not a map in the world
I got missing pieces that I search the carpets for like your crackhead uncle, did he move out?
Stranded on a desert isle, this mirage got me wild
It’s always the shit that I see, makes me complete, I drift further from reality
If I didn’t know better I’d say we’re dying
I can’t remember who is driving
us in the backseat, you to my right
And our legs are touching it is so subtle
Now I’m Hannibal I’ll eat your face
This looks like my fall from grace
Wasn’t that funny? Soiled and troubled
I sit back and brood
Then I thank god for you

Fit This On My Headstone

I’m a misfit, I shapeshift into a favorite enemy
Need an outlet for my problems, a new outlook helps me solve them, I overthink but I’m in sync with a villain who’s semi-willing to make changes, that’s my other half, been here feels like a hundred years 
We’re on a first name basis, it’s amazing, no introduction, keeps reinforcing my negative assumptions
We have a dialogue where I surmise that
I’m going no where fast, people tell me I’m a creep, i get sick to my stomach
It gets pumped and I love it
I can be romantic, pour some honey on it, suffocate you, watch you turn a beautiful shade of blue, almost gray, maybe it’s beige?
The creek in your throat, eyes in your head, I suppress my melancholy, it tips the scale so instead, happiness is to the wayside
Pensive as I recall ur breath, I don’t miss it, I’m a fanatic from your death
Trying to trace your last steps, there’s a vastness to death, this life is so confined
I’m wailing, I’m beaten, this tragedy ain’t easy and I keep taking notes, I can’t let them forget, a bathtub filled with quotes, I’m submerged in your words
The beginning is chaos, it’s a chasm, you’re cold, a polar - opposite
But life with you is far from hollow, I stress and grind my teeth like I’m chewing gravel
I’m always so uncomfortable, I try and stay subdued, it’s a cloak, my head hurts from second guesses
They’re outside the morgue in mourning, ask them to take it inside
The mourning after a disaster, you seem rabid with your reactions to my feeble mind
I’m and outcast, like Rembrandt - my ma swears we’re also Dutch, I’m a mixed, mick, spic, fritz, a grimey kid / a sasannach, I have philosophies on matter and the particles that disappear beneath the dirt when we bury our loved ones, it’s all depressing so I take it elsewhere, keep myself there too

Strangers In Make Up Remind Me Of You

Countless cars with strangers - they all you
We pull off from the curb
A mess in the making but the stars are undeterred
You call out my name but you won’t commit, you got an angel face 
it’s such a waste with your devil on display
and we play games like it’s recess
I’m unfazed, I love your cheap dress
And your trashy neighbors, I’m right at home, always a different flavor and you so beautiful
I got my hands down my pants
I know about pleasure, I see you dream but
If nothing lasts forever and I’ll never die
I’ll just occupy the depths of your mad mind
You’re bad and thick but never vulnerable
And I’m a house of cards
The smallest breeze and I fall apart
And I’m so fucking sprung
Time hasn’t changed a thing
You look just the same, an aberration
I wanna know the reason I’m staying
Everything in black and white
It’s a classic, this pain seems everlasting
I mistake it for romantic

A Treason

where is all that's wrong with me?
i'm not sure where is goes
is it visible to you, because i always feel the tow
it's taxing and my knees ache
i shoulder this disease though
and oftentimes i find the weight unnerving
is it just the curve of learning?
so bend it's bound to break
and i'm praying for my sake
and yours and ours
but trust me as i say
"i know words just drift away
 - but i love you more each day"
it's tender but i need your trust
i'll dissipate in all this lust
you can't merely be a lesson
the reason of all my apprehension
love they say is fleeting
but gosh girl, you're every season
my sole reason for believing
for my existence seems a treason
if i'm not with you give me reason

Electric Fence

keep your distance
and leave me in this prison
on your search for better brighter
we went, i'll let her right it
i said instead we're goners
my head so far from
my heart
need a head start, away from you
your head on my heart, i lay with you
all my mistakes made with you
in mind, nevermind

So Far Gone

how to see another day
mapped out this way
vile and weak
you're the repellent i seek
nothing's left, yet
i'm still losing
& the tower you look out from
is up on a mountain
it's no bother shouting
but i have & my voice is hoarse

Retreat With Our Tears

i came into your job
& the first thought to come to mind
pop into my head - was holy shit
you'd look great in any color apron
i pointed you out to my friend & i
was feeling oddly shy while she called you over
you were serving your friends
but you came on over, asked for my number again
this was when i noticed, for certain -you'd been crying
i'd spent so many days on the job
doing exactly the same

so let me come with you, i'll leave all my issues
off to the side, off with my pride, all just to see your smile
and i think i might love you, but i'll never say it
i have a way with making it known, i'll keep the love out on loan
but i'll never forget the look on your face when he came and said
"oh but we're older, death is much closer"
everything's changed & stayed exactly the same
if you haven't noticed you signed my death notice

Be. There.

often i wonder aloud
could it be you who's waiting
- but that's the role i've taken
it's selfish and mistaken
are you home now? i can be there
i just need that parchment paper invite
written in calligraphy
the missteps of all that i romanticize
are dancing on my heart
i'm shocked and torn apart
i never mean to miss, your s.o.s.
the best of us had broken off
and fallen to the sea
where it slowly came undone
and turned into debris

Grappling Hooks & Ladders

i let myself go with you
top shelf, but to hell with you
and you said the best is yet to come
to death- let's rest before it comes
i'm unsure of a cure for your lure
it's a war - top drawer - where
i keep a map of the madness
what for? you got it up there
you a bad bitch, give me one more
chance, at long last a fire in my
heart, wrongly cast you a liar
you're selling, i'm a buyer
you yelling, i'm a crier, fall
i'm behind ya
wanna call? i got a line for ya
- nah stall, that's your style
put up them walls about a mile, high
guess you want me to give up
if it's a test don't expect me to keep up
i'm gonna leap over that wall called jesus
he gave me reason to quit behaving
like a sleazy no good demon

Strangers Make My Adrenaline Skyrocket

us in that room with strangers
feelin' all but crazy in this situation
star gazin, heartfelt why we're here though
and i look over at you, lying still
i want to push these beds together
oh! let them catch us
it took one look for me to grasp
that everything you have
is grace and beauty
i'm all too aware of what i'm losing
but if i could steal a kiss
i'd lose a hand, but labeled thief
you made hell better than can be believed

Handrail Homecoming

back at square one - haaaa
i never let it come undone
snapped all the buttons
i'm still coming undone though
the spinning top stops
and i watch you rock
all around and back and forth
i jump rope beside you
and complain i'm out of breath
i know it's a waste of speech
as you hastened the road to hatred
i wondered how i'd fair
fair, is that i'm alive and well
even when you're absence makes it feel
- like hell
itching for those remote control moments
when i can change what you channel
i swear i'm getting grounded
i'll pick you up when it's possible

Soak In The Sun

i question myself again, are these lessons purely in my head, i'm so sore it had to end. although as my fate was molded and handed over, of course the good times we're always bad. just so awful and sad. now they're calling me mad. i've failed a couple times over, it's subtle when i'm sober. it fades away, i ease the pain, then scream in vain everyday since i've changed ways. i rearrange the pawns, who staged this children's crusade, i'm willing to face this head on if you swear i can't lose. i would care to choose - self-sabotage, a shelf life and an atom bomb. a recipe for disaster, i recite the words much faster - you want me dead, yes you're in my head, thought i put this chapter to bed. it's a hassle my friend, but i appreciate you coming out, showing support, our glowing rapport, i know the sort of person you are. taking responsibility, and making a new me. i'm breaking too soon here, the fear you dangle, how you manage to make me angry. i took the blame, you mar the shame, these scars are faint when i'm gone. the bars i set drain my mind, i function 'til the end of time as is, sordid past, and a morning fast approaching. the time to win is closing quick and i'm not sure where to find it. i'm restless and i'm unwinding about to take a mindless approach, a vacation to soak in the sun.

Reform Born In The Bottom Of The Ninth

in a stream of inappropriate dreams, you were there. i rested my highest hopes on your laurels, and i let you pay for a change while i prayed for a change.  nothing was the same and that came between us. i became incessant in getting us back together. i could retain my strength for a couple days, then my prototype of us frayed as you lashed out. but even your anger came to an end, the distance had flushed out anything desirable that might develop. i toasted my own efforts but stepped out of the running. my constant campaigning was endlessly failing, and for this i was responsible. i knew that in my heart, my head slowly followed. i swallowed my pride and tried feverishly to get you to void the botches our being together had carried out. when we walked out as a pair only one of us could wear the mask. this was troublesome. our camouflage had made us appealing to everyone looking in, but when we got back home we couldn't find where hope had run off too. i told you i'd find it, and that's when i left for a little. i began to believe the people who told me our journeys were separate. us trying to function as one was doomed, two innocent parties that were guilty of failure. it was a lot to handle.

and then you started in with the hyperboles and everything went sour. you referred to us as toxic, and you successfully sabotaged what little we had left. i had invested my remaining sanity in that little that was left though, it wasn't hardly right. my chest was on fire as our love burned out. i cried as i realized we were finished evolving. our survival was over, the end was imminent. i tried to provoke you to stay, and that was childish, and i apologize.

This Is How It Be

my diseased mind is seeming kind of hurt
all these doors that open and i just wanna keep em closed
when the pain flows through i think of you
and i call you bitch behind your back but straight to yer face
save this date, i'm movin' on from losing time, wasted, wasted on you
what's the kid to do?

i keep fresh, the death of us and i was hesitant to let you go
but hell its the best choice i've made, you materialized the serial lies i told myself
i could dwell in the open ocean for days, i could sell our curtain closing in a way you'd buy
it's all a lie, everything we see
i'm a product of my environment, this is how it be

they say "i've been where you are"
i'm like "show me the scar"
i never can believe the needs of other people plant the seeds for deeds that feed the demons eating my insides

everything but the lies. my mind is like the sky, its clouded. my highs are like a dye that's changing the tides of my imagination. but i said my goodbyes, now i bask in all these lacerations. it's fascinating how far you get while standing still.
thy will be done.

All The Above

at a celebration of death, where we met, and i'll swear i fell in love with you then. i didn't even know your name, but that didn't really matter. i'll just tell you what did, matter. i could tell you had an interesting story, one that might not bore me. i wanted to hear it all, how you became you in a bunch of tiny moments that you strung together with broken hearts, and sobbing phone calls, roaring laughter, road trips and facial expressions for strangers. will you admit all your mistakes to me? can you tell me what keeps you going, it will become what keeps me going, this i'm sure of. and i'll give you that - i'm making all this up. but not the part where i fell in love.

but, when, after our initial meeting i saw you cry, i realized you were human. something you had every business doing. i have an inexplicable urge to destroy what little of myself remains after all these lonely nights spent writing about her, and that profound loss that intercepts every ounce of happiness i might have experienced. to be honest i'm not sure where i was going with this, just that when i look at you i know stability. i feel like i'm coming home, a place i haven't been since my early childhood took all semblance of love from four walls with a roof. i want to recreate that with you. when you told me about you and whats her name i nearly died. to what do i owe the pleasure? and i know you said forever once, but that is done and buried. and when you speak of that past - the one i can only imagine, there is no hint of doubt or regret in your voice or on your face. i'd like to be part of a story like that one day. suburban tales that ignite me and fuel my imagination. i'd play a role for you, and i'd be happy in doing so.

i'm not sure what it is about you, that makes me want to be someone who can make you smile. i started counting each and every time i have when we're together. and then we sat down to eat and you asked me why i was smiling, and i had no idea why - except that i was with you. you're the first time another person has been enough in a long while. i used to live off strangers and immediate family, never sure where i was standing. always treading through a muck of emotions, and just knowing that here wasn't right. i've since moved on from sleepless nights trying to harvest the best of me to serve up to someone else. i look back and wonder what i learned. i'm not sure where to go from here, how to tell you all the above.

The Speed Of Light

when a girl tells you to kiss her, you kiss her.

and so i did, but oh what i missed. a list of lip locked emotions just floating in the air, you silently shouted i'm grasping at straws. then a roar of quiet, and i'm thinking...i'm sorry, but her smile was golden, her hair like an ocean. emitting love like a potion, i'm certain the curtain is closing on us, our robust hearts, we're perfect a flush, we follow suit and we;re just in time. we were about to fold? oh, no. i'll hang on if you never let go. although a distance feels fitting, you in this place of position where i could keep you off limits. these small snare traps i set to catch the pieces of you that run from me. i summon them but you keep them on a short leash and behind a brick wall. i can see past all your past troubles, you never place them in today and for that i am grateful. the example, you set it, where i first remembered our pasts can be trampled and left in the dust, mine had been a constant companion gaining rust. when i look in your eyes i see so much, but they're not plastered with hurt like everyone else i know. and that's what i write home about. don't be nervous my family will love you. yes that is a strong word i explain to my spanish friend. the powerless words i use to describe fear, they're making my hands itch, and my mind can't resist - it follows my hands. i told everyone this was my last stand, believing it was my last chance. the rules you set, i was such a fool to accept, but i did, now i live with it. this irish catholic motion sickness i never grew into. my mind moves a mile a minute, how do you ever catch up with the speed of light?

the first line, the most poignant i've ever written, they don't diminish when i remember they're about you.

Truth Be Told

the divinity in your eyes, it kept me hypnotized. i kept shaking my head but you waited and said "lets plunge into this together". it was the last word that shouldered the burden and shook the ground i stood on wide open. we - misunderstood, would figure it out as one. never for a single second did i get to stressing on what we might become - what i might have done differently, lives within me. i try and address it, my therapist says its best if i forgive you, i ask if that's a test i'm supposed to live through? she who always guessed best on what i would do next, knew i'd get reckless when i witnessed my youth,

leaving with you.

it's been a bunch of years to where when i say "i love you" it's like you're my cousin. this is what i dreaded when we ended it. all the second chances passed, now i see i'll have to last and build and grow without you. i still cast your image in the snow and watch it melt. i swear i'm on my best behavior, to be tested by my savior, i won't wager but this favor you're doing me helps. it helps my whole heart. and i felt everything in me win back it's dignity. i tackle my sins every Sunday and in someway i know it helps, and i forgive you and i forgive myself for having dealt with you so poorly, i felt i needed more of me, so there was less for you, i guess it's true - hindsight is 20/20 - and with you in my light i just pray you don't

forget me.

it helps.