Love Is Blind And So Am I

they say love is blind, there's no doubt in my mind she is. she probably got into a bar fight and got her eyes ripped out and then they were subsequently donated to denial and falsehood. they each have but one eye to see a smaller venue, the ones that are nonsensical and lead to hatred among the people who hate themselves. these eyes, or tools, are used for pure evil, the kind that consume and devour simply standard people who know their wants but bank on the bad because it's what they've seen and what they've felt. on the inside, throughout time.

if I could lead the blind i'd tell her to take a step away from the love, from the admiration, and climb the ladder carefully feeling each rung that brings you that love. take a look at how you got there. believe you have the touch to turn that loaf of bread into the shiniest gold. the type people would take a second look at and desire immediately.

but actions will always speak louder than words, and its a real shame because at times our control diminishes from us and we're left to ruin that gold. the gold may move on, but it doesn't forget. it remembers behaviors that were set free and that turned a moment into a memory. a chilling thing that can't be revoked or reversed. and the action was disconnected from the words and thoughts, the beliefs. it took on a life of it's own, but that's what gets remembered when life returns to equilibrium. where the words are absent, when the cat has our tongue.

Mother Fracture

You Think: you know people, you know them from the inside out, you know their core, their soul. you know their quirks and their attributes, their basics - the building blocks of them without a question. if they were in the body of an antelope moping around you'd know it was them. if they caught the breeze and were a tulip you'd smell them and see the way they moved and you'd recognize it as your pal. if they danced with a stranger or begged for a quarter to make a call you'd know. you'd know it was them.

However: once you're sold out, you're sanity leaves and you begin to believe that you didn't know nothing. what you knew was a hoax, and they set you up. they sold you to a pawn shop for way less then your worth. you are stupid. and you're me.

But: you will wake up. you will overcome. you will take on the day and satisfy things that never needed satisfaction. you will prove yourself wrong, and make fundamental changes that you knew you had to but never insisted upon. you will break the cycle and move from the range of the anger left from the tiniest bit of your heart. eventually everyone needs to restart. and begin anew.

Then Again: nothing is easy. and life is a boat that sets sail on a shallow pond with the fondest of folks and if you don't take part and look for some fondness everything will be worthless and beyond what you thought was a furnished life with love.

SO JUST COME. HOP ON. LEAN OVER THE BOW.

A Real One-Liner

i walked so slow to school today because i didn't wanna get there.

A Dog Off His Leash

i love the sweatshirts and shorts thing, because it means summer nights, borrowed cigarettes, binge drinking, grilled peppers, humid warmth, silent streets, slow mornings, tired eyes, and it defines me in an outfit. it's like a dog off it's leash. a rabbit in the garden. a civilian at the bus stop. an ornament on the tree. it's warmth amongst cold. it's beyond me and i'm beyond it. it's patient and scared, and i'm right there. i wear it proudly and sleep soundly. i ache and it torments. i don't push any further. i look deep in it's eyes and swear that i'll come back, i wont embarrass my soul when its pitchforked on a street i used to walk and sweat as i walked the beat. i'm looking for you to tell me the answer regardless of how many days i spent pushing and avoiding, on top of that i took something sacred and lit it on fire to see though the street.

i was a dump and everyone saw it. i made new friends, they couldn't be bothered. everyone has their answer, and their excuse. mine are the same. one of kind. the abuse.

if i had stronger arms i'd lift you and take you through the river with me. cooled but hot i'd move relentlessly.

bygones are bygones maybe yet again.

"All Problems Just A Toy Balloon, They'll Be Bursting Soon"

i don't have any plans. i did watch 5 straight episodes of law & order svu today though.
i'm praying for a miracle. my hopes aren't high, and i'm not right now either.
i'm praying for a start, for a jump, for more.
i'm praying, and it sounds a lot like pleading.

i'm panting, i'm gasping, and i'm reaching.
deep down i know i can overcome anything with nothing. i know i'm blessed.

i fell off the bike but i'm gonna get right back on.
i'm toxic.

i got my tarot cards read and she said i'm self-sabotaging - i am.
change can happen with the right remedies.
i'm searching for them non-stop. it's hard without being eager.

i'm basking, i'm clawing, and i'm craving.
i threw out the blueprints, but i picked them from the garbage.
after, i jumped a chain link fence and my pants caught and tore.
i thought of my heart.

Un(insured,employed,important)

i went to the doctors today and i have bronchitis, he told me it was an inch short of pneumonia.

and then he told me i should start feeling human again in a week. hearing that got me reminded of it. he didn't know that i hadn't felt human in quite some time, way before i started feeling like shit a little over a week ago. it was nice to hear that i'm not completely mental - it's physical too.