Here Goes Nothing

the weather is getting so cold, but i'm just beginning to heat up.

two days ago i figured out the four words that are gonna save my life:
I'm Gonna Fix It.

i asked my good friends mom when she gave up on life. she told me not up until just recently, and that i'm way too young to give up. i believed her cause in all the years i've known her i've never taken her to be a liar. at least not with me.

i figure it's like this, and correct me if i'm wrong, if you walk down the wrong path - and maybe you're not even too far down this path - but you one day realize what's going on and you say to yourself how the heck did i get this far. and you start to take a look around and you really don't like what you see. so you decide you indeed did get on the wrong path, but what comes next? you can't just be picked up by the hands of God and placed on the correct path. this is LIFE remember? you're left with one realistic, yet unpleasant choice: go back the way you came.

King Me!

Gladly I Will

waking up this morning i had a

funny thought

that all mistakes when made

weren't that at all

i cracked a 1/2 a smile and stared

across my room

then i walked outside and laughed

off my impending doom

A Lyre

haven't you ever felt so broken you just wanted to disappear?
or so lonely you wanna throw the towel in?
could happiness become extinct , or just die out?
you know what's weird? when i was really happy, like genuinely happy, i wanted to die because i figured what are the chances i'll die happy yanno.
i looked coldly into the eyes of friend/co-worker and told her happiness is a lie. and the sad part was i believed it, for at least that second. i have, through the workings of life decided that's the lie. i think i wanted to believe it because that would have meant i'm not a total failure - yet. it could have meant i might keep things lax for a while, and stopped feeling that pressure - which has for better or worse, become my motivation. so now that i've regained my stance on happiness what am i to do?

keep looking for it.

happiness is a 9 letter word. and it's the truth.

The Votes Are In: My Problem Is?

i just had this crazy thought about how i've spent probably the last 5 years or so trying to "quit" certain things. i use quotes because as hard as i usually try, and some people closest to me might say that it isn't very hard, the results are always shameful. just to give you a small glimpse into these past 5 years the things plaguing me have ranged from your ordinary cigarettes, alcohol, nail biting, pot, excessive t.v. and cursing to more bohemian things such as being in any way rude, losing my belongings, saving garbage, and being too friendly and trustworthy (btw very difficult if you just are that type of person and i eventually decided that it would take a lifes journey to turn that around). i sort of realized that this process/system, whatever you wanna call it, has NEVER worked for me so why do i continue to try. of course here you can insert such phrases as "never give up", "keep moving forward", "one step back but two steps forward". however we all smell the bullshit of such phrases and i dont think i've ever really heard one of these and suddenly a war was waged against myself and my pitfalls and i had that fire that i was lacking to slay my bad habits. HAHAHAHA.

okay so what i came up with is instead of QUITTING things in the future i'm gonna try and JOIN or BEGIN new things. crazy right?!?!?! i figure maybe my time spent on the new things will eventually lead to me phasing out the bad things. and hey, it's worth a shot.