Tuesday, September 27, 2011

A Strange Span

this invisible barrier people imagine around me
you didn't see, you carved straight into me
and attached all your weight and pretended you'd stay
but all the breaking hearts that were being ripped apart
tore like a savage into yours, now i love you all the more
and broken hearts are beautiful to mend, this isn't the end
but now mine is famished, almost dead from the damage
i know i can't ever see what i'd really like this to be
and alone in my room where the faces in the ceiling
remind me that life, is meaningless but filled
with strange spans where the demands of your heart
can't be satisfied, and we're all pulled apart

I Can't Wait To See You Again

i heard you're not working again
i could revert back to the languish
and lay in your bed
you can get up and make me coffee
i'll wonder why
we always have to watch shitty shows in the morning
i'll quit my job and sell the car
grab a drink, but buy the bar
trip all the way back to
- that place where we stay
we're all so fake

Blurry Hazed Horizons Are Wishing Me Well

the way the rays come through my window
i'm listening because it could be you
always sparkling and warm, but a shot in the dark
and you exist in a prism, i just can't get into
but you were born with enough, so i have nothing to offer
except for all the loving energy that comes to me
when i see your smile, and sure it's been awhile
but time can't take away from what's grounded within us
it's like a religion, i follow my heart cause
it's the only part of me that doesn't fight back
when i self-destruct - go running a muck
straight to your house, cut all the trees off of your property
so we all know how life there's been spent, dying and dead
nothing to shade you, so the rays have to hit you
and you'll feel what i'm feeling, and know we've been healing
the worst case scenarios that brewed within each other
you hurt me, but i forgive you
broke my heart, but
-i'd still give it to you

Sunday, September 18, 2011

The Memory Of Being

you ruined what i loved about love
where what we had came from
how in the daily monotony, there can be
an instant between two people - that's deeper
than anything they've felt, a relationship formed
not from the pushed or planned
but from the brick and mortar
that make us such a sure thing
and so you set off with nothing, but fear
and a heart filled with building love
where all your happiness swarms from
and it's not just you and me - it's a godly scene
where everything that you don't see it exactly what revolts me
and leaves you battered, but at the time it didn't matter
you felt something but nothing that hurts you
only a hot plastic rose bush, that smells like perfection
and pleasure, mixed together, hot and heavy
-but it's all a collasal disaster, but i manage to master
the art of the broken heart, i've restablished
what it feels like to steal from the memory of being
-in love

Just Ask Me Nicely

hey, it's meghan.  i just wanted to check in and see how you are.  dammit i hate these voice mails, i always sound so stupid no matter what i'm saying.  but screw it, i miss you.  the hurt is an open wound in my soul, and when the sunsets and i fall asleep - i'm only at peace.  i didn't tell anyone what happened, well a few - but damn it hurts so bad someone has to hear.  i care about you in an almost motherly way, which is interesting, because i'm usually selfish.  but with you i worry something could happen, awful and unstoppable - i could never imagine mourning your loss, i'd have to mourn mine first -you piss me off though because i don't think you comprehend the ways you've so greatly changed every substantial ounce of once pitiful being - and i'm gentle now, maybe even kind sometimes.  after this though i've gone back to being mental, only not so tied up and relied in warm bodies i try and grow with.  you have me so angry sometimes i laugh, even that blows off steam.  you got me so happy, but i squander the joy, cause i've put up these walls where i truly believe i'm not something worth caring for, i'm not even bearable, and in my own skin i think i need a demolition, it would go rather quickly, i'd just have to clear all the rubble left from the several lives i've lead - student, alcoholic, addict, manic, heavyhearted, dumb founded, open minded, failure, bastard, retired, branded, bonded, clouded, aching, forsaking, love making, bread baking, heart attack faking, jaded, witness - and i've insisted on keeping all the pieces. up 'til now.  anyway the point is i can't go on much longer like this, we have to change everything.  if there's a way i could make this easy i'd find it and put it straight into action - but life is a puzzle where pieces don't fit, can't be found, or are missing.  i'm just sorry to you for my very existence. call me when you get this - we're magic and we'll make it happen.

The Battles Been Over, But I Wasn't In It

where do they live where they're numb from the pain? i'd come upon them and ruin their vision, tell them how much it hurts when another person who you love is gone forever, and all that's left is what you cherish.  and when you get weak from the cold you battle it much worse.  you see it in the faces, and moments and you measure how much damage this can do, and will you make it through?  i'll put them right in their place, explain there's no time to waste.  you have to grasp what you have, and hold on to it how you would hold our your hand, but i'm worn out from heartache so don't take my opinion too seriously.

all the running water stops, and i briefly wonder where you are
and why haven't you answered me?  i rustled up that part of you
never would have injected myself into your strife, but hey - you did
and now i surrender my love that hasn't been worth giving until it met you
and now you stand in your house and you look out the window
at all the happenings
you can't believe it- the actual existence- of happy people

Again With An Arrow

you're not what you spoke of
but it's something i'll learn from
people who pick people weaker than them
and i never could defend my defunct heart
and it's not what you talked of
it's something much worse, a poison, a curse
it was all about the sick satisfaction you got when
my heart felt like diseased pieces of memories
that still say forever, and they smother my reason
to stop it from breathing, keep me sheltered
at home with a filter, but what could've kill her?
the words are all flawless but filled with deception
is there any hope at resurrection?
but i reacted without a riot, a devoid heart quiet
now i stand with my hands behind my back
i wait for some slack, that i can't stand to have
the demons die down - they're too busy basking in my loves whereabouts
about you, the direction of the choices you're not making
the sounds of empty airwaves captures my mind
the sacred sensations you realize only in detail
when the lost fragments of your mind look to find
a little pleasure you accept won't last forever
gone in a minute is how we're gonna end it
-and now
my body is still raging from nights spent with you blazing
the fire all our desperate love created

Come Home To Me

i wouldn't admit it to myself but i knew
we had a shelf like of a
few couple weeks before it would creep
away from us, and we were nothing to scoff at
jesus won't you please, just come home to me
i'm tired and weak from roasting myself
on the front lawn, it was a sight to be seen
i was down on my knees, looking up in the clouds
just wanting to shout
won't you come home to me, how easy it'll be
wha it was before, when it was us we knew
we were living for, the love that was part of us from
-the beginning, i know you're not listening when i say
won't you come home to me and just stay
and i promise to keep the hurt from your eyes
you can lay with you head in my lap, and i'll rub your back
'til you fall asleep, and drift to far away places
where our love is making, all of this easy
where we can promote this love
where you're asleep now, where i won't let them get you
they'd have to go through me and a chest filled with hurt
and guilty anger that i got from the strangers
staying at my place - won't you just come home to me
and i know i don't hear it - but you love me, you swear it

Monday, September 12, 2011

Blanketed With A Blasé Hellion

my pants are warm cause they just got ironed
it feels like that missing fake empty happy
that i was always fond of
we wanted everything perfect, set it all up
took a deep breath in and our bodies exploded
numb from the people who brandished our aches
when we were away there was nothing at stake
and i wish it was winter, when our cravings were thinner
we survived off the drink, just took the liquor
but we meandered our better judgements and it ended up all over
on the streets, out to eat, alone in our house
but we maintained a distance, afraid it'd all bring us south
and it was kept simple, we died with routine as our only staple
truth is though i yearn for the miscues, it was what it had to do
more so though i crave for the slow heartbeats and flinching legs
never believing we'd have to leave bed, with our enemy at reach
we'd always be beat

I'm Sorry I'm Troubled

when i sit in my room consumed by defeat, i always only want to go two places, your house or the water.  i don't know what for, there's nothing wrong.  i'm doing well, in one piece, actually i have a lot going on with me.  i want to tell you.  i can't because i'll come off as arrogant - rubbing it in your face.

i'm lying, there's nothing, i'm sorry i'm troubled.  i saw someone who smelled like you and i smiled half heartedly and then burst out crying.  i was ripped open, and all was taken.  love was mistaken.  now i'm restricted to timeless sessions where my head pounds with what was found, when i know they were faking.  i'm admittedly scared as i wait for my life to establish itself, hell, i'll have to help.  i'm so mad at nothing and it frames me with daily assumptions that chances won't change, or people can't rearrange the furnishings of their lives, a balance and blend - not just the trend or routine - constant fixtures that you're lectured on to keep your distance from.

and i just want to sprout, grow out from here, not flee but reach further, but by roots stay where home is.  do it for me (?) i have only just begun to become a breeze you'd want to catch, something that could get you stirring.  no longer that howling in the night, filling you with fright.
and they cry when i let them, i really don't get them, but my face swells up and the tears spill - over.

Unoccuppied And Disoriented, Toyed With

i hear the train pass and i wish i was on it
headed out of town like i always wanted
and what keeps me here?  a couple unhappy endings
- i could spare
a couple lost moments that all left me hopeless
but where i'm at the party makes me feel lonesome
i know months away, i'll find a way
- to beat the odds
the mounting loss painfully subsides, i decide to crash at a diner
i have coffee
stare at the waitress - waiting on tables
everyone gets to where they are, but where they are never seems far
i sit scared and still and wonder when i'll see you again, if ever
and i if did would i be urged to cower, and curse you
and i'm so busy looking back and not forward
that i don't see any openings

Slipping Through Hands

because we're the sand
i'm having an emo breakdown
because i'm emotional and unstable
in these four walls, my thoughts reach for the door
they guide to where life could take me
if i'm not the blasted grave me
if i stop praying for you to save me
and somewhere decked out in the skin from the thousand souls whose lives i changed is that organic wholesome someone who will paint the thousand pictures, where i'm all in them, that change the way people explain how they function their brain and brace themselves for all the impending pain.  and the moon will stop making the tidal waves that smash our brains and turn them to the shore where they're walked on all the more.  all our senseless spectators amazed and taken back my the sea.  but not by you and me.  the tiny stones that make our brains, sticking to their skin, there until they swim - so we can end up in that angry sea, getting thrashed back to a shore that's pulling for you and me.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Your Insides Eat Mine

i'm not sure i can cure whatever it is that eats your insides
steals your will to stay alive, i thought i was changing things, getting you well, but you're trapped and were haulted at the point where things could have got better
i don't believe you can walk away, i'll be saved for another day
but if you wouldn't have woke me up i could have slept through the denial and devastation of the chance you say is not worth taking, and the prospects were supplied but the fruition denied and i'm about to walk away, like you can't, lay you down another day
my marvelous emotions floating away on an air balloon, towards the moon, and the day you told me to look at it, in all its glowing glory, it's days away, like the plans we made, and i'm always a little worried of where it all may go when i'm not around to know it - but i'm still days away, wasting away, waiting for another less lonesome day when my life will be made
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