Two For The Show

i take rides from strangers, it's a little quirk of mine. i don't know if you've ever heard the term personal fable, but it something like that.
i just don't see it happening. that whole thing where you take a ride from a stranger and you end up chopped up, buried in a hole somewhere, deep in a wood.
i wonder what the real odds are yanno, like in terms of lightning. it's funny that's like the breadbasket of odds. "you have a better chance of being hit by lightning." well no shit. haha.
it's funny too because he had his laptop on his lap, driving, and i told him i might just be better off walking. nah, screw that.
i'll tell you though about odds, because one time i took a ride from this pizza delivery guy, and first off i never thought i'd see him again, and then i add on top of that if i did happen to run into him again i wouldn't recognize him worth a lick. but there he was ahead of me on line at 7-11. whatever the place is next door. he was wearing the shirt.

Sunbathing

sometimes i sit still and i just think. i think up and think out all my insecurities.

i bask in them. and when i'm done i feel better. because after all they're just ideas, and concepts, and feelings of powerful emotion swirling and picking up the debris of my life in their tracks. and well, i'm better than that right?

i used to feel stifled by this crap, but lately i feel freed by speaking to it. i let it get the best of me, but now everything that's left is more endearing to me.

Looking Older All The Time, Feeling Younger In My Mind

oh man.

last night i'm with my two friends who work with small children. one is swim instructor and one is a elementary school student teacher. as we're relaxing i suddenly feel myself far removed from the conversation as it turns it's attention towards "their" kids (both of them have become very possesive, you'd think they carried all 30 somewhat kids for 9 months - yack). but they say the kids are just terrible sometimes and especially if they're in bunches and without a strong authoritative figure. they're running all over so fast, zipping right by you, kickballs flying everywhere, screaming, yelling, and the whole nine yards.

and i don't hear another word they say because in my head i'm doing a comparison between the kids just described, and this kid - me. i wondered why a 20 year old like myself felt as if i was just described. i thought about when i was 10, and how that was 10 long years ago, and i asked myself what has changed. i still feel the same chaos around me and i still feel small. although currently i am college student, i was drinking a beer, my car was parked out front, i hold a part time job...are these just our ways of faking it? these are supposed to be the things that make me older? and then i looked down and i was worried because i was wearing the same sneaker i wore when i was 10. of course they are different colors, maybe a little bit bigger in size, but the same model none the less. they are adidas sambas in case you cared, a good shoe design that has obviously withstood the test of time.

but will i?

The Vernal Equinox

i was just on my way back to class waiting to cross the street when this cute little old lady next to me remarked what a disgusting day it was. i nodded my head but just told her nicer weather was on the cusp and spring would be here soon. and then i felt weird because i was being all optimistic, and lets just say i haven't worn that face in a while.

and then i had another thought. spring might see the end of that little old lady.

and then i had another thought. wouldn't a t-shirt reading "my grandma died and all i got was this shirt" be really funny? or should i seek professional help?