Hearsay

i was in dunkin donuts the other day and i don't know why but it felt like the holiday season. just for a instant. maybe it was the crowd, or rather the fact that i've been delirious. taking nearly everything the wrong way so it's morphed into my own right way. just another compartment that requires some cleaning.

all that aside, yesterday my friends mom was telling me about her sister's neighbor's son who used to work on wall st. that is until he developed a frothy gambling problem and lost everything he had worked so hard to attain. she told me that he currently spends the majority of his time sitting on his bed, in the dark, with no sheets. he's given up on showering. and he's constantly telling everyone he crosses path with that he's about to buy a house. that he's going to closing real soon.

after going on a bit longer she stops and stares at me. the story seems incomplete.
but having reached her conclusion she stares at me and states "something inside him just snapped". it was like she was speaking about some incurable unknown disease he had contracted.

holy shit though wait, is that what's happened to me? and wait, what was it that actually snapped? i mean he can still walk and stuff right?
but i think she was referring to something more unidentifiable.
so here i was left thinking to myself holy shit i want my insides to be strong and formidable - certainly nothing snapable. and i began to freak out a little when i realized that i had seen this young man at a family barbecue a couple weeks earlier and he looked perfectly fine, so now i'm all paranoid as i contemplate what people say about me behind my back.

Food For Thought

i'm a mindless romantic. i believe things should last forever and never sacrifice even an inch of their beauty. like when my friends parents would talk openly about how they were gonna get divorced come summer, i'd cover my ears and refuse to take them seriously. or how this past week i threw my cell phone and it subsequently broke. this is only after Emily told me she got drunk and told her ex-boyfriend that she never loved him.

lately i find this to be my biggest problem. mostly because i refuse to stop believing, and so i fight it. but the cold truth is, i'm fighting nature, and mother nature is not a romantic. come to think of it she's pretty much a heartless bitch who feeds off chance and change. flirting, she is a tease. and i don't fit into mother natures plans, or rather she doesn't fit into mine. and so i'm polished with fury, and sad more than i should be. but i'll play both sides like a carefully tuned piano, and with success. pounding the keys i never knew existed. hard energy produces sounds unconfined by walls and the likes - i'll take a bow and exit stage, but not before the audience calls for an encore. i don't oblige.

now, think about a fly stuck to a fly strip. struggling so unnecessarily.
that's you.

run away, run away

i think about running away soon. i would cross state lines, go by a different name, and pick up solitaire. i wouldn't make any friends because i wouldn't talk to a soul. i'd resort to pick pocketing and black market sales in the beginning. i'd scour the streets with my head down looking for cigarette butts and complain about big brother and the welfare state. all my despair would reach the surface and start spilling over. i'd make it a point to get drunk everyday before noon, and if someone asked me how i was i'd snap back that i'm better than them. i'd triumph over the enslaved bourgeoisie with my self-reliant tendencies. i'd then find work as a store clerk and with that i'd rediscover the weekly paycheck. i would then take my earnings down to the closest theater and i'd see a movie. i would go alone and i'd be more than happy to do it.

i wouldn't wonder how i could feel so lonely, for once i'd know.

when i was re-released back into my old stomping grounds i'd notice everything was just as i had left it. and i'd slowly slink back to my old ways. several years later i'd struggle trying to recount the time i left life.