The Last Holiday Between Lives

it just occurred to me that we're gonna spend the holidays together. and i'm not quite sure what to make of it. i'm always for signs and symbols , but you punched me in the face and i just walked away. first i fucking spit the blood right in yer face. no i'm telling the story differently. it was at your shoes, and i missed. good enough for me because you probably would have beat the shit out of me if i did what i wanted.

when i was growing up i always said to myself that i wouldn't let anyone get the best of me. of course years later i did. i was carved out, and i know you took all the good. or whatever it was that let me function. i resembled a normal person, and you might have seen through it, but maybe then you should have backed off and let me have it.

and god you sound silly when you're bashing my choices. i look at you and i know not to get angry, i didn't make you and i can't change you. where does that leave me? i'm being pushed out of the smallest social circle, the most desperate club. fuck it. i'll give up, and give it some time.

i just know that when i went in for seconds, you smiled. it was wide and bright. and for nearly an instant i had the world. for all the other instants when you rejected me dissipated. but the rejection staved off the the merriment.
i about gave up on life right then. i wanted to go to the bar, order a whiskey and coke, and eventually order 3 more.

stay there to closing being brigaded by whispers representing the past.

It's Only A Dream To Me - Convincingly

last night i saw you in my dream, not your face
but it was still complete enough for me, what i saw
it was so vague, all i remember is hugging your body so tightly
and i never wanted to let go, from there on
if that moment lasted through eternity, i'd let it burn through me
everything i needed was right there, it was the opposite of lonely
but not in company, filled with excitement as i tucked into you
and you enveloped me, overlapped we would be

so today when i saw you i was surprised, shocked and in awe
i kept quite and stayed close to myself, you were always in sight
and i wanted to let the love gush, to tell a total stranger i love
i couldn't. and now i give up.

so i remain the basin who's draining
everything from the dead to the present -
serendipitous moments comparable to heaven