My Grievances Defeat Me

i'm catatonic and you keep me this way
the truth is within everything you bring
that you might as well take it back
bring it to the origin where it can be reborn
christened with new potential

and as we walk i hum the tune of a song
my dad used to sing it, cared for it then
now it's damp and heavy from tears it's absorbed
- i just can't like it anymore

forever is a ploy, a sham, a fake, a fraud
she better hope she never sees me
i'll spread the news like wildfire,
surrounding her in a circle, no opening

bright lights blinding the seeing eye dog
the guide we relied on, hapless like us
he lead us to a salvaged path - but,
not without the motion of the sham
i retract this state of crisis
for deeper waters with wilder waves
ones that'll take my life before i'm saved

Two For The Show

i take rides from strangers, it's a little quirk of mine. i don't know if you've ever heard the term personal fable, but it something like that.
i just don't see it happening. that whole thing where you take a ride from a stranger and you end up chopped up, buried in a hole somewhere, deep in a wood.
i wonder what the real odds are yanno, like in terms of lightning. it's funny that's like the breadbasket of odds. "you have a better chance of being hit by lightning." well no shit. haha.
it's funny too because he had his laptop on his lap, driving, and i told him i might just be better off walking. nah, screw that.
i'll tell you though about odds, because one time i took a ride from this pizza delivery guy, and first off i never thought i'd see him again, and then i add on top of that if i did happen to run into him again i wouldn't recognize him worth a lick. but there he was ahead of me on line at 7-11. whatever the place is next door. he was wearing the shirt.

I Want To Stand Up And Shout About Everthing That Hurts

i hear your conversation. my ex this and my ex that. the lawyer bills, the house he bought without even telling you. the final straws. i'm not really sure what it all means, but it was depressing as heck hearing it. especially when all i can think is how lucky you were to at least have someone for whatever amount of time to be there. to be yours. to be on the same team.

so what if it faded.

i'm not sure where i stand. so happy to be here, but feeling so dismal. everyday aches by. i'm surrounded by torment. all derived from you, and not that you're at fault, but i think i'd do better without seeing you. you know i'm really nothing. i bet you breathe it everyday, and i'm just sitting here wishing that you'd just go away. i think of the dullness i project, i don't know how you even deal. god if i were you i'd be gone, i'd cut my ties from everything like me. things even reminiscent of me i'd write off and kick to the curb. and in the morning i'd wake up, rejoice, and remember all that promise i probably thought i had. but because i'm actually me, like every other day, i'd let it die, let it go.

i see right through myself.

Bah Humbug!

in an attempt to save what little money i happen to come by i had made the drastic choice to spend no more than 4 dollars on food. this had reduced me to pizza, mcdonalds, and bagels. it was already a sad situation my friends, and it's only gotten sadder. now i'm almost completely dependent on freebees and the likes.

i've only been out of a job a couple days now, but it's really starting to go to my head. when i was walking to school yesterday i saw a stranded McCafe cup on the side of the road, had to be a medium, or a large. i know the small looks somewhat disproportionate and silly. although i gave the cup what i believed to be a passing glance, i instinctively noticed the monopoly game pieces still completely intact. i figured it was a rushed, environmentally unconscious slave of the workforce merely overlooking the chance at an instant win. although in these rough economic conditions the instant wins seem to be few and far between and are reminiscent of a more glorious economy. i peeled away my two game pieces to reveal a railroad and some other miscellaneous property. i tossed the cup in it's proper trash receptacle. so much for dumb luck, or rather bum luck.