Thursday, July 21, 2011

Let's Keep It That Way

for my sake
it still kills me when i see you're out
on the town, where you still look down on me
and when you stray away from the perfect party
you'll blame it on your waning sobriety 
that you still can't stand to think of me
your hand at mine is forever gone
so you can't believe you dashed your chance
of ever becoming part of the us
where free will was met with doubtful lust
but if we could of caved in, and lived
together without all those evil eyes
but i couldn't convince you, i wouldn't
inhibit you, so i
took a holiday, staying away, and now that
i'm on it, i'm not smiling
i'm too out of breathe from dodging guiles

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Choices That Make Changes

them:  well, you seem a lot more level headed than you did before.

me:  i cut the fat, and not from my diet you senseless moron, from life.

them:  the fat?

me:  we have a broad range of choices throughout our life,  i'm talking about being selective.  no, cut throat.  what i'm saying is boil yourself down to the core, shed the good, but more importantly shed the bad.  take it to a back alley and smack it around, give it the silent treatment, run away and change your number - do what you have to do.  then finally, when it's real quiet and you're sure that nothing is clouding you, it will appear to you.

them:  what will?

me:  it's really hard to explain, but it's very similar to satisfaction.  it's that piece of you, you've had it before and you might have even cherished it, but that didn't stop it from leaving.  maybe you never had it, either way you feel it's absence, it tingles just to remind you and hurts so it can unravel you, and you scoff at it.  but the tingles made you tremble and the pain paralyzed you.  and the self destruction you started years ago will end, you will finally turn that corner that you always saw coming but never knew how to get to.

them:  what's the catch?

me:  everything you left will get together and decide they don't need you, as if they made the choice.  ha.  it's irrelevant and you're sure of the path you took.  the other thing is, there will be these dark and cold moments where you feel uneasy about it all.  when you wonder if this gamble will eventually station itself in line with your regrets.  just remember strength comes when you pay your debts.  whatever you do though don't let it get tough for you again - do something to remind yourself you're a brand new person, but keep the tricks up your sleeve and a trainer in your corner, because the past still exists.  if you should ever lose your focus you will have to prove yourself, again.

Friday, July 8, 2011

The Premiere Of Many Thoughts

so now that i'm somewhat solid, let me sit down and write
i'm an all or nothing person, and all is so hard to retain. i'll catch it for a glimpse, and when it's gone the pain sets in. it was a hint - i barely felt it, i was so busy worrying. my mind has a plan and it's obstructed, i can't get up, i haven't, my showing is weak. i probably wanted too much, but if the world can produce this, even for an instant, how can i be angry with it? maybe the secret to life is to take and bask in the great, and be at ease with the rest of it. but for what are we destined? lately i get on my bike and i feel the best i have, maybe ever. it's difficult to tell, it all seems so worldly when i'm up this close.

and i was just like you, i convinced myself i couldn't, until i stopped believing in the ruins. and then, just like that, that was nothing to climb out of. nothing to overcome, i continued and blossomed, out from the shadows.
and my days are more plain, but i'm still not numb. no lingering effects from the lives i've left. just joy where i smile at the fun and the boring. cause it's not necessarily the delivery or the sum of the parts, but the pieces you cherish and the life you capture.

i hope i haven't left you to jump with my enemies and destroy what i do, making excuses that it's not good enough for you. but just breathe in now and compare it to when i was the entirety of the thoughts of your head. give me some credit you said i was better off dead.
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