I Can Stay At Your Place

i know you see me as my eyes plead with yours to scoop me up and carry me home. is it okay if i call it home now too? they left me out there to die, the knives in so deep they're jabbed in the bone, and i'll take them out when we get back, i just can't do it alone.

the entire ride home we baked in the suspense, refusing to break the damp silence, but i wanted so badly to share it all with you - to tell you everything. i wanted to tell you how i expended all my energy avoiding aged demons that kept me from sleeping, and how all the dodging did me no good cause once i was drained they let themselves in and did a dance on the past couple years, spared me nothing, i got stabbed all the times i had coming. but i knew you wouldn't judge me like the others. you stopped my breakdown, made me turn corners. and i was broken, but you were boring. i was hostile, but you sought more from it.

i'm glad i survived this long, so my enemies couldn't see me die, the last bits of anger dripping out on your floor, at the very beginning when you pulled them out all you could hear was the frustrations pour.

I'm Not Sure Where I Went, But I Know Where I'll Be

i never once was hurt by you. i never receded, or retreated. i thought i did well in such a backwards position. you said more than i ever could, but still i'm the one credited with the spectacle. now i'm unsure of what direction to take, if any. i was once solid, god it seems like it's been forever, an old memory on the back burner, barely mentionable. and stability is so much more when you're avoiding life daily. sometimes when i close my eyes i see your face, and we go to the marsh with the cloudy rebellious water, where we could never be seen. i contemplate how past too far i let all the feelings linger, and dissolve my chance at any normal days. i continue, would it have been the same had i acted differently? i fell into plans that never panned out, i was naive, and i followed the bait you ambitiously spoke about. but why? you let me in on your little secret several times, but i still couldn't step away from the impending rush of hostile emotion i knew i'd get from you. i took a deep breath, and let it pass. and does anyone else know how fake your friendliness is? i fell for it. i did for everything though. once i thought about getting a sponsor. to call, when you know, i wanted to call you. and i once met a man on the street, was gonna ask him. he noticed i was wandering not being pulled in any direction and he told me "there's no bad influences, just you". and my god i never turned so fast around, i thought you were tapping me on the shoulder. had to have been a sensual hallucination. it then dawned on me that's all you ever were. i was just the fool who took the drug.

Together We Could

i feel cranking and clanking on my insides

like there's a heavy piece of metal

terrified of moving anyway forward

i would like to stay in this moment

and i go numb

with the slightest stroke

the briskest touch

a week ago i felt your throat

at the back of my neck

and you swallowed

but i still couldn't

muster up anything

my worthless desires

are stationary and sit

i wish you

to my side

before i

-quit