Life After Death

so

i'm a drink on the rocks

and you won't budge - solid as hell

i'm fixated on you and you haven't a clue

so

a year from now if i'm not better

i'll get in my car, retire to the garage

and sleep with the chances i let pass us

so

when my insides are out, i'll be down for the count

Opinions, POV's, And The Whole Shebang

how hard is it to respect other's opinions? damn hard, that's how hard - but why? we all see things differently for an array of reasons, but i think it's hard for people to grasp that opinions can't be right or wrong and on top of that everyone is entitled to their own. bastards! hahah I LOVE LIFE. but anyway, it's a great adventure because opinions can be mean, nice, selfish, uneducated, researched, stupid, foul -and well just about anything right.

hey, do you think it's entirely impossible to disagree with an opinion but still respect it? for instance a racist opinion - how can you respect that? opinions are a tough topic if you ask me. we should respect other peoples opinions because being closed minded isn't a good look for anyone.
and i've tried to be honest in my own opinions and at times it's hard because i'm non-confrontational (sober anyway) and i dont want to offend anyone with my own stupidity.

but i think therefore i am - and what are we really without our opinions?

Outlets & Vices

i've accumulated too many, thanks blogger!

1. anxiety - nail biting.
2. anger - punching things, never people.
3. pain/love - blogging.
4. bordem/no direction/being a rolling stone - beer and pot.
5. excitement - single ladies dance.

Life's Short So Get To The Point

my latest semester at school was somewhat of a bust. regardless of all the "priceless" knowledge that was passed on to me the one thing i remember wasn't even in the realm of usual course material that i might later be tested on. it wasn't something i spend time studying, but rather it's something i examined. it was when my english professor - and quite possibly my final english professor in my college years - said to the class (tentatively titled Great Works Of Literature II) that there is an overall sense of nothingness to the grand point of life, and that all we really have are our choices. while i still felt confused and scared about life i at least realized that my feelings on such matters weren't totally off base. however, it still seems to me there is NO actual point - so maybe we choose what our point will be, or try to choose. it's challenging though to sum a life up into one point, even if you push aside success/failure. and i'm thinking you can't really judge other people's point - how about feeling sorry they let their point choose them? i've tied this all back to my new favorite book, Into The Wild, sorry augusten burroughs. because chris mccandless didn't let his point choose him, no matter how much it hurt and disappointed others. he seemed to understand you can't waste your life and disappoint yourself.


so, i've decided that i want my point in life to just create as much happiness as humanly possible for myself and the people i love. it seems easy but i'm gonna keep it in mind because i dont wanna wake up one day and have results from a bunch of choices i made that don't reflect or resemble me and what i want out of this life.

If You Seek Amy

simply put, things that i considered sacred you put on blast.

thank you.




and i hope you die lying next to me so i can smell the decay of your death first.




try that on for size.

Light Poetic Song

i had been nervous because the scapegoat i elected was clearly condemning every thought i produced. i got scared when my grievances walked beyond the boundaries i had cast in stone. flexing their over-sized muscles, i was nothing but a puddle, and i was eerily still. so maybe i surrendered, for the weak of heart - maybe that's another excuse - it was damaged towards the start. catch this though, i hired a priest who i played for keeps to perform an exorcism. things went great, the demons escaped and the hunch on my back fell off. but when i asked the priest to leave, he was in an uproar at my knees. pleading and screaming! and with no other choice i found a large enough bat and i took that old priest out.

Bemusement At It's Best (And Then Some)

i thought: i couldn't live without you.
and once at my job you parked out front, and i ran out to your car - your window was down and i wanted to kiss you, i didn't. it was the first time i was taller than you. i liked that, and i wondered if you had noticed.

i flash forward: another time i was asleep on the couch - but i heard you cleaning up and i didn't know in a few days you'd kill me. or maybe just cast me aside. well, i haven't stopped disappointing since. it's only now, after i've tossed the doctrine we made years ago out, am i able to sit down and see that i was waiting in a vacuum for your fresh air. had i painted a self-portrait when i was with you it would look something like a smothered sun behind the whitest cloud.

today i've walked off your path, and out of my rotten dreams that had been festering long after their expiration date. and i was pleased when i found new life and affections. and this time i'm convinced it's for real. unlike the life with you, a collection of dialogues in which neither of us were present.