And Then There Was One

i miss my old friend. the one i used to kick cans with to kill the time we hated. and not much arose from the situation. maybe cause we never jumped the gun with the legs we didn't have. the only two people i ever met that didn't have a clear escape. you and i buckled as they planned the getaway.

then the water level rose and when i tried to look for you it was pointless. you were so far under. so deep into it. the water swept you out to sea right as the day changed and ground crumbled beneath me.

i went back months later and saw this scene that horrified the lies about life right out of me. i saw you, head above water. my visit turned into a stay and after some careful consideration i decided misery loves life and it forges to fashion the path you take in the end.

\ all the things foregone are still aching on my mind.

Here Goes Nothing

the weather is getting so cold, but i'm just beginning to heat up.

two days ago i figured out the four words that are gonna save my life:
I'm Gonna Fix It.

i asked my good friends mom when she gave up on life. she told me not up until just recently, and that i'm way too young to give up. i believed her cause in all the years i've known her i've never taken her to be a liar. at least not with me.

i figure it's like this, and correct me if i'm wrong, if you walk down the wrong path - and maybe you're not even too far down this path - but you one day realize what's going on and you say to yourself how the heck did i get this far. and you start to take a look around and you really don't like what you see. so you decide you indeed did get on the wrong path, but what comes next? you can't just be picked up by the hands of God and placed on the correct path. this is LIFE remember? you're left with one realistic, yet unpleasant choice: go back the way you came.

King Me!

Life's Short So Get To The Point

my latest semester at school was somewhat of a bust. regardless of all the "priceless" knowledge that was passed on to me the one thing i remember wasn't even in the realm of usual course material that i might later be tested on. it wasn't something i spend time studying, but rather it's something i examined. it was when my english professor - and quite possibly my final english professor in my college years - said to the class (tentatively titled Great Works Of Literature II) that there is an overall sense of nothingness to the grand point of life, and that all we really have are our choices. while i still felt confused and scared about life i at least realized that my feelings on such matters weren't totally off base. however, it still seems to me there is NO actual point - so maybe we choose what our point will be, or try to choose. it's challenging though to sum a life up into one point, even if you push aside success/failure. and i'm thinking you can't really judge other people's point - how about feeling sorry they let their point choose them? i've tied this all back to my new favorite book, Into The Wild, sorry augusten burroughs. because chris mccandless didn't let his point choose him, no matter how much it hurt and disappointed others. he seemed to understand you can't waste your life and disappoint yourself.


so, i've decided that i want my point in life to just create as much happiness as humanly possible for myself and the people i love. it seems easy but i'm gonna keep it in mind because i dont wanna wake up one day and have results from a bunch of choices i made that don't reflect or resemble me and what i want out of this life.