At My Knees

sometimes i think, is it so bad how much, i want to. live on the beach
watching the water current, wondering if you're coming
i imagine i'd track the path of the bludgeoning sun
- no clock - with me, to share the fun

then when the tide goes down, i'll go out in the sea. but just up to my knees
so as i don't drown
since all my thoughts are clogging my head, i now breathe through my knees

standing there still. my memories all hurt me
they scold me and i burn
it's a see-saw of emotion and there's nothing left to learn

i wait for night to take my place where vacant space separates
me from all the control i granted onto you, the time where -
i lost my implicit belief
and sifted through all the stakes, and
i didn't think before i torched rabid fakes
handicapped you left me watching you
feeding like a hawk on my remains

Dreams Aren't Just Figments

i had a dream last night that i was playing sandlot baseball, pitching a great game, and next thing i know i look at where my shortstop should be and it's just a cardboard box - there to represent my hopes and dreams. this brown-cardboard-worn at the edges-taped up-box. i stared back at it and wondered if it was empty.
only a second passed.
i went back to pitching. i didn't take the steps needed to reach the box, and open it. had i my dreams would have been revealed to me. i swore there was something telling me not to. a voice without a vessel screamed out of every direction "knowing too much can lead to delirium." anyway i could take a guess at what's in the box, i'm not completely in the dark. but i cowered from the ah-ha moment cause i know i don't need it. my unconscious was trying to test me, screw with me, checking to make sure i'm not what everyone says i am. i'm still me.

i'm still that same person, who after i reached the top of the tallest mountain i ran down it. the view was terrible, as it spanned everyone. for now i'll wait in the valley, and i won't tamper with any boxes. and heck, there's things i regret but retreating down that hill just ain't one of 'em. the nonbelievers won't rest. i just hope it's me that keeps them up at night.

My Eyes Gaze Out The Train

i see the world in shapes and sizes

but not to anchor any prizes

Salt In The Wound

my body told me turn around but the momentum was way too much. how could i come to a screeching halt and do an about face when i've been running so hard in one direction for so long. the laws of nature don't allow it. and there i was trying to think of ways to go against nature, to beat her bloody hard and make her look a fool. haha. i had myself going.

i think i have ADD because next thing i know i'm thinking to myself where the fuck to they come up with these important ages. like you can't watch racy movies until you're 13, can't smoke until your 19, no drinking until you're 21, driving at what...17 these days, cheaper coffee and whatnot at 65. the list goes on. offensive video games at 17, renting a car at 21 also - weird how those two are paired. enlist in the armed forces at 18, tattoos at what...18? they won't diagnose you with crazy insane-people diseases until you're like 20. heck with parental consent you can be emancipated before 18 and do a whole bunch of what i just listed earlier. it's all cool if your parents are on board for the ride. hell, at least you'll have them to blame.

after a moment removed from the moment at hand i find myself tearing off scabs just to wish on them. to wish for the things i lost back. the things that walked away. the things i pushed away, and the things i threw away. for some of them to be like a boomerang.

and i know the impossible can't become possible just by wishing, but there's too many hours in a day not to at some point find myself believing in miracles and in time travel and in what ifs.

i'm mindfucked.

also, i'm thinking of inventing a real travel size salt, the size of a credit card, because how often do you find yourself wanting salt, but not badly enough to get up and get it?

TOO OFTEN.