Stake Your Flag On My Land

i'm going to redirect the putrid thoughts that trifle my brain
there's a lot of things i'm going to do after i bury you

like all the things you strictly told me not to,
paint bathroom stalls with your number, immature for sure
but funny when you get called
the revolution will carry on for months, shedding old skin
-in new light, and we will all rejoice at fall
the orange blooms!
and i'll swoon along with all the fools
dancing in streets, drum beats, epic laughter
and i begin to like me bitter without the heat
i have desires but they're weak, barely speak
i keep things i shouldn't, i do things you wouldn't
but the bad guy was cleared this time
you agreed so yourself,
ah what a help!

i do things that i don't respect
-but they aren't regrets
a sheltered life is great,
but it's just not my taste
my heart is my anchor,
my sail, and it's fighting

reach out a hand
there's a million of me
out there

Sit Down & Get Comfortable

the way you won't talk, at any cost
it makes me colder that you sold out
in a minute, you were finished
- didn't even phone it in
i found out from a friend, she said
"did you hear the news"
you were just another body i was bound to lose
broken pieces of my wall, took it all too:
the romantic highs and starry skies
us laying on lawns, well before the fall
you pinched me, but i stayed asleep
that's why i'm to blame
i was in the eye of you the storm i never saw coming
dust kicking up, head turning and i catch you running
out in the distance, finally decided on a principle
but you love to support what you knows gonna fall
- and you still haven't called
baseless faces, left in love and don't know what to make of it
wore my heart on my sleeve, and here's to you for taking it
- said i was wasting it,
but you used it on shallow wounds that will never heal
- not when there's deeper ones there
and you ripped off the band-aid, out the window where i landed on the freeway
- ironic as irony has it's way of being
silly with a chilly hush that imprisons you in winter
startling frames where the fictions that remain i wanna make real
but it'll take a miracle and gods busy fixing your situation
now i'll toil, wait until you fold, so i can tell you no
for now though,
i'm on some eternal sunshine of the spotless mind miss you shit
i'm going out, just to keep the hell in
ready for anything, set my grievances on fire, took in the smoke
new life inhaled, it's all about a chance that hadn't been there
i owe you, said thank you, but u couldn't say welcome
and that really sums up the whole thing

e!

i'll wake up in the middle of the night and watch chelsea handler alone, not that we ever watched it together, but i'll laugh at it hysterically and still feel so empty.  why do things have to be so real?  i was riding my bike home today and i crashed into the wall on the bridge that goes over the highway.  i bounced off it and i immediately thought about how much i miss you.  how much i've missed you.  but also how all the hurt does no good.  life is so redundant and the pain plays games and the will to control the hurt is worthless and sends a shot of embarrassment through my body.

check yourself before you wreck yourself.

huh?

no seriously, think about it.

if the product is placed on the shelf it has to be sold.  and you were just delivering what you sold.  i'm not gonna get into how i bought it, let's not talk about buyers remorse.  i'm friendly, to an extent, but this was much worse.  i opened up my wallet, while you went through my pockets.  and i didn't feel robbed until too much time had passed where i had nothing to charge you with.  you left me in peril, i did more than dance with the devil.  we dined, and i tried to rebuke your shuffling deceit that you used against me constantly.

Happy Times

i'm confused,
when i left you were here
but when i got back from work
-you're gone, all you left was a note
that said
to, me
your
dead

and i was trying to figure out what the fuck that meant
then i remember i don't curse, and i gave up
deciphering your bottom line indifferent speech
a couple months ago, i made a promise to myself
not to cry until after dusk, and it's been going well enough
'til i woke at noon the other day, from a nap, from a dream
where you had come to stay, with me everyday
when the sleep evacuated my eyes, i began to cry
not for feeling pitiful, or angry
but because of what i get myself entangled in
how the freedom leaves
me
alone

and i feel done
with getting up from
getting my heart torn
from my chest, and i swore
you off for death,
so 'til then

make grand memories with your fantasy family
leave me out of them all,
can you see all the smiles?

happy times
leave me out of them all
leave me out of them all

You're A Liar And I'm On Fire

hey you told me to call if anything was ever wrong or i needed to talk
it's meghan
something's very wrong, and i need to talk
can i come over?
yeah i got no where to go, i know you don't wanna hear it but my hearts broken again.  and this time i don't know if i want to take the time wasting putting it back together. i'm a failure, i know you won't let me believe that cause you always say it's a lie, but trust me.  i set the bar myself and i know where i end up.
i just thought i had a little longer yanno?  until the camels back broke, if you get what i'm saying.
well i knew it couldn't stay the same for very long, i guess i just wanted more.  that's me though, nothing is ever enough, and things that come close push me off the edge.  i'm the most humane creature surrounded by the most sadistic demons.  the ones who premeditate the murders before they set out.  they march with their strong hands forgetting their scared alter-egos that they left at home but will catch up with later.  and make no mistake about it, this will be a public display undoubtedly.
don't worry i'll just keep my distance, hide in the shadows of the loveless monsters.  maybe even eat dinner with her disguised as her own kind.
my organs on the outside pumping noxious liquids that'll kill you if you sip them, blind you if you breathe them, and set fire to anything that dare touch it.  my mouth spilling lies that capture strangers by the brains and praise them and their ways. and i'm all so fake.  we make up these persona's to stave us from the real drama, armor that has an offense, worn against persons who possess no defense - so what's the purpose? 
you're caught up in highs and moments.  i was wishing for a life to start, not more reasons to feel ripped apart.

The Mounding Winter Snow

my love grows like the mounding winter snow
beautiful pastures are now bitter cold
smothered beneath this crazy white dust
was a beautiful grass, tender as it was rushed
and i'm failing, i'm falling, i'm landing, i'm free
but stored under white, the potential energy

but when that blazing ball of fire
resumes it position in the sky
the snow will all fade faster than
how quickly my heart died

Instant Gratification

instant gratification feels so amazing
and yesterday I threw it for a loop
doing all this crazy shit with you
and we blast it all to space
not a second to hesitate
me and you, we knew it
all along, as we scoured through it
found nothing worth keeping
sour dances we junked years ago
begging each other, for something
or another, chance or shot
something worth thinking about
i'll put that detached romance to rest
never allow it another breath
erase the feeling of complete devastation
compassion was lacked and i was taken
inching my heart closer to breaking
i'll try out a new one, fit it with armor
prepare it for war, we know it's sure

The Mended Staircase Story

i'll tell you as my body bounces with the train for one of the last times, i was walking down the steepest staircase, when it collapsed, not from weight but old age.  and i hit the bottom well ahead of plan, bones all broken i couldn't even stand, i prayed for death to come and steal me away, to let me land one way or another.  and one morning i woke up to the brightest light shining through my eyes and blanketing my body with the most comforting warmth.  then i heard a perfect hum and i realized its you who had come.  motionless you waited at the top of the shattered staircase, and i didn't need an epiphany because i knew what i had to do.  i started on that staircase, i used my broken bones to mend the steps - why had i considered waiting for death?  i'm stepping on myself to get to you, its all i could do.  and my body is like cloth as i drag it along, every hour a second nearer to you - what were me and death going to do?

The Last Sign

so you ask me if i feel silly and it seems like you haven't heard a word i've said.  no, i feel heartbroken and misplaced - knocking at doors when i should be home safe.  i feel fractured and empty, this isn't a joke.  i'm not a moniker for fun.  and you'd be surprised how much i build myself up.  days and hours i labor, my heart on a string i let slip away, caught up in a tree where it never visits me.  while its easier to cry in the cold and the blows hurt harder in the cold, slower to heal - and this is life in the now.

so, some tragic ends to us my friend, while walking with you all those months ago, i had no idea when i discovered this would all happen to you; the fairytale breakup, the mining for work - i don't know what to make of it.  i broke from your corner, away from the slaughter, i restarted my life and changed my makeup.  if i missed the powers i had with you, it didn't do me any good, i'd give it all back - only at the shot of a complete redo. for me.  for you.

did you ever once consider the future? what we'd do?
you made me think so.  your way of filling me up so you could deliver the last blow.

i'm overwhelmed with sadness, i hate you.
i was so liberated, freely moving like the air, not on any track or path.