What We Really Were

if years from now you tell a lover that i'm the reason you won't trust another, i'll understand. and baby if you ache for me, but can't stand the sight of me, i'll understand. and if sometimes in a dream, you breathe, and you don't see, but you know it's me, i'll be there. and when you awake with tears in your eyes and a mind filled with mistrust and misgivings, i'll take responsibility. oh yeah, i'll be there. and i know i didn't share every failure and misfortune because i didn't think you could handle it.  meanwhile you're the only one who ever had a handle on me. and it wasn't so much control as it was love, baby i was there. and i was there for you, as much as i could, and i could be cliche and tell you i gave you all i got, but that just wouldn't be the truth. i gave what i wanted, and took what i needed, and the entire time i dismissed you to the dark. and you threw around accusations, but there was never justice. after you i know there'll be no lusting. you allowed me to live within this life of paper cutouts and one liners, shiners from the fist fights where i just stood still and waited for time to resume. and my apologies were well fed and heavy, but they couldn't make up for the feelings i ended. and you had a box of excuses, you put me through it, and i started a shoo in - and baby you'll remain right there.  but we ended it all with a futile attempt to resurrect from death the sheath that blanketed us from what we really were. we turned to disguises because we couldn't bare to be mad at one another at face value, a place so shallow. we got caught up in the roles, keeping up with the couples, and this is where we are at the moment. but maybe it we slow it down, we can turn it around, come out from the cover. i always want you to be he company i keep, not a company i need, not a profit i seek, but a locked-in between two of us, and baby that's where we'll be.