Choices That Make Changes

them:  well, you seem a lot more level headed than you did before.

me:  i cut the fat, and not from my diet you senseless moron, from life.

them:  the fat?

me:  we have a broad range of choices throughout our life,  i'm talking about being selective.  no, cut throat.  what i'm saying is boil yourself down to the core, shed the good, but more importantly shed the bad.  take it to a back alley and smack it around, give it the silent treatment, run away and change your number - do what you have to do.  then finally, when it's real quiet and you're sure that nothing is clouding you, it will appear to you.

them:  what will?

me:  it's really hard to explain, but it's very similar to satisfaction.  it's that piece of you, you've had it before and you might have even cherished it, but that didn't stop it from leaving.  maybe you never had it, either way you feel it's absence, it tingles just to remind you and hurts so it can unravel you, and you scoff at it.  but the tingles made you tremble and the pain paralyzed you.  and the self destruction you started years ago will end, you will finally turn that corner that you always saw coming but never knew how to get to.

them:  what's the catch?

me:  everything you left will get together and decide they don't need you, as if they made the choice.  ha.  it's irrelevant and you're sure of the path you took.  the other thing is, there will be these dark and cold moments where you feel uneasy about it all.  when you wonder if this gamble will eventually station itself in line with your regrets.  just remember strength comes when you pay your debts.  whatever you do though don't let it get tough for you again - do something to remind yourself you're a brand new person, but keep the tricks up your sleeve and a trainer in your corner, because the past still exists.  if you should ever lose your focus you will have to prove yourself, again.