Sex With Myself, What Else?

i woke up this morning and masturbated, the drowsiness faded and i contemplated how depressed i can get.  another second and, the clarity will end. so,  i wonder what you'd have to say for me, if you didn't leave, believe you would have developed a bad taste for me, where's the disguise i misplaced you in, can i find it again?  all the sprawling minutes you hinted we might be finished, a discussion we never had to hold, i'd been told put my hands up and fold when love gets cold.  it was hot as hell on my end, but it wasn't much to depend in, or run with - not exactly sunkissed when you're a void, and it's hard to capture, but after the rapture you spilled over within me, i thought i had a god given right to never let you go, every wishing well, my change fell, hoping you'll return cause wishes come true, for a few - it's an impossibility but i'm not annoyed.  i'm just so numb i couldn't feel that the fire was set from the minute we met, lit like a candle, i never imagined the trance you fashioned canning me along with your love and together we took a vacation from life, we called it great love placement, after taking up the sexcapades, engineering sweeter dates, sure you moved on, and i've been doing fine, so whats really all the harm?  my friends get sick when i say your name, to them it's a game, what i felt ain't real just grapevine crap they couldnt care less about, ha they're buried in clout and what they think they want, but once you've found it and been around it, you yearn for nothing else, except escapes and trust and shit you make up to yourself you care about to flee the fight you knows gonna knock you out. but i'm already on the ground face up, everyone looking to trade up, i make mistakes but not that one, stay humble and free, how about next time stay with me.

i'm going back to sleep. peace.