The Lesser Of Two Evils

i sit back and take a good look.  well the best view i can get with everything that has been blowing up in my face.  my overindulgence as of late could break the scale you bought me with.  and sometimes when you're asleep i look at you and i wonder if i'd want  me if i was as strong and pure as you.  you are dripping with emotion, and they all can't wait their turn.  i fill you with rage until our tears come out boiling and they burn through everything we created when they fall.  and lately i just feel like an over extension of my younger days, yielding maybe less hate but certainly the same grief.  and i heard there's no shame in never letting go of your hurt, as long as you keep room for other things as well.  and my capabilities have been squashed by a desire to bury myself in pain, and guilt. and maybe it has no conclusion, no final result.  will this continue until i'm older and less excitable than i am at this very moment.

oh and you - i know what you've come back for.  because every time i reprise the role of the phoenix you whisper that it's only the next time that will create that arc.  finally i will manifest that true destiny that has been with me the entire time.  only then will i see the light.  and i haven't been scared of the dark this entire time, rather wishing myself out of it simply because i know that diligence has not paid off primarily in my lifetime.  and i miss all that deserves missing, and at what cost.  should i get down on my knees, create that visual aid towards what i feel. in my most honest moments i'm neither happy nor sad, just daring and taking aim at the repercussions.  and that light to which you think i'm a guide, i'm not.  more like a microscopic parasite feeding with your delight.  and this isn't our divine comedy, as success rests in the eye of the beholder, failure rests within.