Thursday, January 17, 2013

I'm Nothing Special (Especially Next To You)

i find myself being just an extension of you, and it puts me up in cloud nine, eerily close to heaven.  and you beckon.  since we've been together i've learned the meaning of the word guilt, and i apologize.  i've never believed that people change, but i can somewhat see it now in myself which gives the idea a heartbeat.  you came from a part of me that swooned toward reconciliation, of an us.  where i had never needed anybody, or at least trained my conscious mind to live "as though", you are the opposite.  it's written all in the pages of your past, your words devouring mine about love and commitment.  i fell in love, and i didn't care who you were, because i just yearned for something new sculpted out of your blossoming take on utopia.  and the visionary in you is what reeled me in, and i knew it would be brilliant and not diffident. now i raid my own concepts and perspectives and align them with yours.  i've never been more fond of an innocence i am now living in. and your company is ripe and when i find it sour it lasts less than an hour. in those moments i'm more bleeding my past inconsistencies and torment, it's not that i'm unhappy with you. our divided times are meaningless and bring me little to boast about, but you decry that fact that i sometimes do.  i haven't yet told you hunny, but i'm human. my condolences to your aching ego that had thought it scored itself the supreme being, and i'm never quite sure if you just envisioned me as such or just mistaken me as. regardless i know now after all these months that i will never live up to the potential you see, what's in me is flat. i'm dizzy and not to be trusted, and with you parading your opinions about me the revolt that never was suddenly has itself a spark. and you warn me. but i try and explain that with no accelerant i'll always be standing next to you. and you won't notice that i'm solid waste until my charm wears off and resentment runs circles around us and laps the love. i trust that our togetherness is nothing temporary, and you should get on board. faith is a powerful tool, it's what i use. it determines what will come of.

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