Thursday, August 14, 2014

I'll Toil While You Take

all that paranoia that did me no good, didn't prepare me for what you would. memories that surpassed happiness roared in my mind, to let it all go, this need to unwind. all the time invested, and it seems that you left with everything good, stuff i should have took. my days feel numbered, i forget my name and age, the downfall of us is we were never on the same page. and in the back of my mind this heavy thought took president, over damn near everything. but your face it changed from what i remember, the serpent slipped out of your skin, and into the wind, i inhaled it. this broken me that still longs for a perfect you, a direct hit to my heart, the heart that is only now still beating from self medication and rigged with valves that don't belong to me. ones i took from past lovers and friends, they transcend anything i was born with. and stories that i remember from my youth. how i thought every motorcyclist was waving to me, and then it came to my attention they were just changing lanes. an allegory for us. can't you see it, can you understand. after the first two weeks, and with nothing panning out i called in a favor to an ex butcher in lieu of the taxadermist having moved down state for the warmed and more pleasurable weather. anyway, i asked the butcher to go easy on my manifest of reckless endeavors. i stepped in them willingly and stayed in. and without a fight the butcher gave me three rounds in the ring, a loss by knockout he insisted would be the best outcome. i must have looked just insane enough, because not having been raised tough he gave me the second consideration, the one you wouldn't. and when he sized up the organ, marking it gory with the magic marker, i saw just how battle tested my heart had been. the headlining act of my mortal self, i finally saw what i have done to it, that crippling effect i seem to have on anything reaching out for my survival.

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