i almost always let you win. they tell me to put the past behind me, instead i commend mine on it's unrelenting obsession with being seen daily. now i'm fairly new to all this spoken word of actively trying to recover. for years my escape was my cover. only it was draped with a lover. and maybe in a parallel universe, for its much too soon here on earth, my hand is held by you. my close by lover with connections beyond the physical, it's the mystical element you bring to mind - your hand in mine. but here on earth you're usurped by my greatest life challenge. and oh how i need you more than this substance that has no place if i were to recover. and now at a distance you still smother, quite the actress, the fact is i can't live without you, just a canopy and our love is lost in time. and what frame of mind do we use to rediscover our youth. the question that came before the times changed for me. but this time a new perspective reigned me in. so, to languish in these evils like a fine dish of china being thrown against the brick and wondering if you can pick up all the pieces and get it back together. that's insanity, can you not remember? these repetitions i hated and salivated when i knew they would happen, it's like a fire you can't douse in water and put out.
and when the phone rings, i feel determined, i almost will it to be you. a will i'd like to lose, so hard to swallow that pill. i say aloud give me freedom to choose a person who i'm certain will love me for a lifetime, a lifeline.