HOWMANYTIMES

can you carry me home, if I tell you where to go? Look at the cross streets, these roads are so confusing, intersections in my mind define my character, it's proving that some things can come together. It was all for a place, where i practiced in a space, and I haven't been able to get out of that character i played. come around and tell me how stable you are you, remind me of your marks and scores, i'm sore from finally growing up. line up the ducks, and eggs in a basket, you set an example, remind me to be thankful for the lesson plans and my teacher is father, and i know exactly why i bother, i've convinced myself that you'll be back, it's just as well, as i promise no more trips through hell.

i put on sad melodies as i write down these words, they course through my veins and i spit out the viscous remains, all my harebrained schemes, when will you quit being down on me?

would you feel better if you never saw me fail? then you could imagine that i would never bail? i'm broken and this isn't a competition of into how many pieces, or who has the biggest demons.

could i contemplate your courage if you let go while we danced? Instead you have such a firm grasp with your hands, you're stiff like my dirty socks, i'm stuck in a flurry of bad advice that i give myself, if i listen to the preachers i'll just quit believing that i might just know what's worst for me.

i nailed a list of all my grievances directly to your door, i am martin luther, and you're a storybook prodigy, I knew you weren't right for me so many times, HOWMANYTIMES? countless.

you're an activist and you act as if your fights even really matter. i'm not a martyr, i'll thrive through all my wild childish beliefs, and i'll no longer ask you to believe with me.

I'm A SoundCloud Rapper

The flesh tears off the bone
It’s open and it’s beginning to stink
And I briefly think
Are we out the woods but you give me the goods so why the fuck do I care?
Oh yeahhhh 
Because I project the future it’s filled with fear
Apprehension, you leave from my depression
I retire to the tiniest castle, I call it that it’s made of stone and my imagination is more free to roam
My delusions have delusions as this life gets more confusing
Home is where you find your heart, but mine ran off in several parts
A commencement speech for my sanity and I probably take a bow
There is no audience, I’m speaking to the ground
But heyyyyy
Can u stay, just listen, I’m learning to function and it’s really not easy
A hundred nervous ticks rupture while I speak with a lisp
The day devours my appetite for company
I love when you’re a dick
A masochist, I love good and plenty’s because I hate the way they taste - a basis for all I do, humiliation gets me through
I’ve exposed too much, I’m sick, I’m small, a bit uncalled for in behaviors
Look at this mess I’m making
But ohhhhhh
I love you, nobody else, it’s quite a catastrophe
Climb the steeple, I’ll ring the bell
You left before our trip to hell, I went alone and learned so much
I’ll wait for you to catch up

99 Problems But

There are times I wanna stay single
Say fuck all these women
And all cause of you, your beautiful face
That I’ll never have in it’s entirety, but that would be creepy
So I lay down in the highway, and as I’m waiting for traffic, I think of you berating me, I get up save myself and run back to you
On the way I get lost - there’s not a map in the world
I got missing pieces that I search the carpets for like your crackhead uncle, did he move out?
Stranded on a desert isle, this mirage got me wild
It’s always the shit that I see, makes me complete, I drift further from reality
If I didn’t know better I’d say we’re dying
I can’t remember who is driving
us in the backseat, you to my right
And our legs are touching it is so subtle
Now I’m Hannibal I’ll eat your face
This looks like my fall from grace
Wasn’t that funny? Soiled and troubled
I sit back and brood
Then I thank god for you

Fit This On My Headstone

I’m a misfit, I shapeshift into a favorite enemy
Need an outlet for my problems, a new outlook helps me solve them, I overthink but I’m in sync with a villain who’s semi-willing to make changes, that’s my other half, been here feels like a hundred years 
We’re on a first name basis, it’s amazing, no introduction, keeps reinforcing my negative assumptions
We have a dialogue where I surmise that
I’m going no where fast, people tell me I’m a creep, i get sick to my stomach
It gets pumped and I love it
I can be romantic, pour some honey on it, suffocate you, watch you turn a beautiful shade of blue, almost gray, maybe it’s beige?
The creek in your throat, eyes in your head, I suppress my melancholy, it tips the scale so instead, happiness is to the wayside
Pensive as I recall ur breath, I don’t miss it, I’m a fanatic from your death
Trying to trace your last steps, there’s a vastness to death, this life is so confined
I’m wailing, I’m beaten, this tragedy ain’t easy and I keep taking notes, I can’t let them forget, a bathtub filled with quotes, I’m submerged in your words
The beginning is chaos, it’s a chasm, you’re cold, a polar - opposite
But life with you is far from hollow, I stress and grind my teeth like I’m chewing gravel
I’m always so uncomfortable, I try and stay subdued, it’s a cloak, my head hurts from second guesses
They’re outside the morgue in mourning, ask them to take it inside
The mourning after a disaster, you seem rabid with your reactions to my feeble mind
I’m and outcast, like Rembrandt - my ma swears we’re also Dutch, I’m a mixed, mick, spic, fritz, a grimey kid / a sasannach, I have philosophies on matter and the particles that disappear beneath the dirt when we bury our loved ones, it’s all depressing so I take it elsewhere, keep myself there too

Strangers In Make Up Remind Me Of You

Countless cars with strangers - they all you
We pull off from the curb
A mess in the making but the stars are undeterred
You call out my name but you won’t commit, you got an angel face 
it’s such a waste with your devil on display
and we play games like it’s recess
I’m unfazed, I love your cheap dress
And your trashy neighbors, I’m right at home, always a different flavor and you so beautiful
I got my hands down my pants
I know about pleasure, I see you dream but
If nothing lasts forever and I’ll never die
I’ll just occupy the depths of your mad mind
You’re bad and thick but never vulnerable
And I’m a house of cards
The smallest breeze and I fall apart
And I’m so fucking sprung
Time hasn’t changed a thing
You look just the same, an aberration
I wanna know the reason I’m staying
Everything in black and white
It’s a classic, this pain seems everlasting
I mistake it for romantic