A Shift In The Map

when i sum it up i just didn't wanna budge the past year or so. at this point i underestimate the duration for personal reasons. maybe i'm afraid if i stray too far it'll all be over, a new chapter will begin. it could just mean i can't put it in the past. sleepless nights where i dial your number and call you to my bed. all that's visible is your figure - you don't say a word. i wonder aloud, playing with the length. it seems shorter when it plays out as redundant and i briefly wonder if that's what we're really all fighting. a shameless routine we don't want to see. and yet i am curiously angry with all that challenges and forces a forfeit of the routine.
can you dig it?
however, it's possible to be tripped up, a created distraction that follows my track, noting all my moves, could be following you too. he's a predator that has studied your scent and has inherited your story, wishing to rewrite himself into only the most personal and particular. out on the streets - not even on the sly - he tells every individual, ones that won't even listen, my story. from birth to present.
all the candid details and every sterling moment.
so without the faintest bit of effort he has overnight become me. with a better reputation, more distinguished education, and a look slightly more established as beauty.
i'd laugh but my life's work was just discredited. i went down to the local bar. the floors were so sticky i could merely sway my hips. i engaged in some drinking, breaking my sobriety, i complained to the regulars with their layman rebuttals. i was unconvinced of their struggles, but sure of their stacked up disappointments. but i longed for you and it was apparent. when i downed my last beer i found the door and made my way out. i stumbled out and then along home.
back in my bed, right where i had started. but now with a stench from all the sparring with the sorted soul who found himself kicking my ankles. and for all the splendor that all his admirers reported - when i was asked i always denied talking.