My Todays Are Already Yesterdays

i'm not doing so good, but i bet you wanna hear something new
i could lie and tell you the trees looked especially natural today
and it caught my eye as the breeze rustled the leaves, but
that would be a lie, i haven't recognized beauty in quite a while, but
believe me i'm still patiently waiting on it's arrival, til then
survival is a day by day operation, it's no overnight transformation
kick cans and smoke cigarettes, while passing time with other peoples prescriptions
wish me luck, you schmuck, not doing so good, doesn't mean i lose
i'll feel free to abuse the crap outta me, join in, i'm too crazed to care
anyway, there's nothing much here


i gotta stop beating myself over the small stuff
it's all junk, i'm getting so numb from overcoming
every issue that passes through the doors
maybe i can take just a little more baby
-if you're not up for saving me, today's a busy day
i get it, you'll come around, it's time
just by then i'm scared that we might be gone


i have to get out, leave the house, walk the block
i'm manic and maybe that's really what this is all about
but i'm not sure, nothing's clear, i keep it stored, it needs repairs
thank god for music, i dive into it, scream at the top of my lungs
and wonder where all this anger can really come from
i need to pass out before i think myself insane
i got some valid excuses, but i'm mainly to blame
and this heartache follows me almost everywhere
so i gotta go to sleep to put off the despair

Right Before Broken

i got enough hats to cap a small country
enough soul to raise marvin gaye and make him say
hayyyyyy, so much heart, screw it being torn apart
it's in one piece now, not even sure how
i quit asking questions, the answers got depressing
i got my eyes wide shut, nicole kidman
doing a damn thing, i'm just a kid, man!


about to hit the streets and grab some coffee,
call me if you wanna take a walk with me
i'll show you how to get high, and get by
a ten minute walk, you won't wanna keep score
i'll school you in seconds, life and love retention 
missteps and miscues, i'll put you right in someone else's shoes


i have some choices to make, but hey, i have time
can't expect to rise up over night, it's a fight
i have some people to forgive and lessons to live
some prayers to say, and changes to make
taking strides, with or with out you on my side
and if you're not with me, forgive me, we can't be pals
i'm on a high cal diet, i only feed with the fattest
only listen to the wisest, answer to a goddess
oh she's beside us, i'm beside myself, i need help
humpty dumpty something - put me back together
mend it, make it new, i have something to show you
underneath this hard exterior, i'm running scared
come find me, yell my name, i'll hear you
if i haven't gone insane, and changed my name
along with my story, it all got boring
reminiscing the same memories, insisting it's love
when hell i couldn't tell, i knew nothing well
well, that's not exactly true, i know how far and long i fell
i'm fucking up my shit all. over. you.

Sex With Myself, What Else?

i woke up this morning and masturbated, the drowsiness faded and i contemplated how depressed i can get.  another second and, the clarity will end. so,  i wonder what you'd have to say for me, if you didn't leave, believe you would have developed a bad taste for me, where's the disguise i misplaced you in, can i find it again?  all the sprawling minutes you hinted we might be finished, a discussion we never had to hold, i'd been told put my hands up and fold when love gets cold.  it was hot as hell on my end, but it wasn't much to depend in, or run with - not exactly sunkissed when you're a void, and it's hard to capture, but after the rapture you spilled over within me, i thought i had a god given right to never let you go, every wishing well, my change fell, hoping you'll return cause wishes come true, for a few - it's an impossibility but i'm not annoyed.  i'm just so numb i couldn't feel that the fire was set from the minute we met, lit like a candle, i never imagined the trance you fashioned canning me along with your love and together we took a vacation from life, we called it great love placement, after taking up the sexcapades, engineering sweeter dates, sure you moved on, and i've been doing fine, so whats really all the harm?  my friends get sick when i say your name, to them it's a game, what i felt ain't real just grapevine crap they couldnt care less about, ha they're buried in clout and what they think they want, but once you've found it and been around it, you yearn for nothing else, except escapes and trust and shit you make up to yourself you care about to flee the fight you knows gonna knock you out. but i'm already on the ground face up, everyone looking to trade up, i make mistakes but not that one, stay humble and free, how about next time stay with me.

i'm going back to sleep. peace.

The Sting

it's all my fault, all your flaws, i knew
and i bring out the worst in everyone i know
- i'm to blame, and for all that i crave
and how i explain my faulted ways
and why i expect the forsaken
to keep what i've thrown away
i watch the smoke float from my cigarette
a streaming gray string, and the sting
it reminds me of the time passing
and how if bloods so thick
it evaporates rather quick
like how the smoke is hardly there
it dissipates into thin air
resentment runs wild over the shouting
my temperament leaves for no allowing
all the pain stays, takes up residence
i don't give in and it's a life's sentence
you're not a treat yourself
we could all use a little help
give in for just a minute
see that you aren't finished
there's more to fix and add and make and mesh
we will work 'til death

Put Your Brain In The Blender & Press Puree

when you're busy questioning anything, remember that's life
try and love it out with the strife, and here's a heads up
maybe you should question why it is you're even loved
and what it is you're made of
instead of why everything's distasteful
fuck regrets and just be patient
life's a game of waiting, i'm on a time out
a most impressive hiatus
if u wanna join me, first off, provide proof you're not faking
i need instant gratification, put the ID away - i'm talking about that sensation
i get when folks are on the real shit like me, smoke trees, be free, dirty knees
and a diseased sense of moral codes we shop around then sell
to the highest bidder, perfectly fitting, take advantage of the shit of the litter
and i'm just feeling bigger! pushing closer to where i ought to be
talking to a broader audience, pick up the phone and rage to me
631-487-9081, i promise i'll listen until you're finished
cause it's NOT all the same to me

Imposters Roam, Keep Them From Knowing

now that it's over can i say we fucked?
or you still wanna call that making love?

and i'm pretty sensitive but even i knew better,
however, if i knew you'd leave i would have never gave what i did
gone so far, i'm just a lame kid, waiting on big changes
i'm scared shit of making, and that i'll probably end up wasting
but if i had a hand to hold walking along the frigid streets
i wouldn't creep along so slow, so i need to get started
keep myself away from all the martyrs
-pretty much you, and uh
so much for showing love, made up, face down
i paid you in sex, drugs, cash, and compliments
so what more could you have wanted?
and baby i don't make mistakes, so what they say can't be true
and you were what i was waiting on, the miracle
it was short lived, that god-given libido as a wandering sensation
that we were always busy making, and now as it lays wasted
can't believe you folded, but i can because before you did you told me
i guess it really is the same old, sad, boring story, love lost, no recovery
a relapse and an unfortunate function of my mind that comes with
it leaves me far behind the present, unaware of the next
and recovery is way more indulgent than just a 12 step

The Stuff Of The Utmost Importance

i swear i feel you watching me at work, i might be a bit disturbed.  but listen, i don't mind, i feel those eyes, eying me down.  watching me from afar, the horror of my sadness apparent with my head down staring at the brick wall - wishing i hit it after a free fall.  and i bet you see it, and it hits me. this never happened.  because if it had i wouldn't be writing this now, i'd have passed away, i mean i'm so choked up i'm barely breathing, and as this lifetime of mine unfolds, i consider all the times i've sold out.  wonder can i fall in love again? yet again, a hundredth time, for old times sake, i wish we could recreate the high school business we got down to in my back seat, my back killed me the day after, but there's nothing to regret in laughter.  and when i catch myself feeling sorry for the tear that you parted i recreate the happy days when our delicate love was caught up in the sands of time and the mammoth gaping hole you left that has brought me close to death wasn't here, but now i have that experience of the dire, i'm dying to require a stay of days for me to say whether or not i'll be able to keep stable during the before and after of a relationship bound disaster.  it's just taking us for a spin.

there's people who just lost stuff of the utmost importance to them
and they can't move, so what's our excuse?

It's Always At Home

i wish i could be one of those people who get even and not angry, but i'm the type of person who stops believing when things get rocky.  i wish i could stop it, but i'm just not, i'm weak.  it's feasible that after i've seasoned the loss i can pass it off as not much more than small sadness that lingered because i was already broke so i was bound to break.  and you were just a single straw, a light portion of whats come before, stuff that was scarier and worse, probably why i sold my soul when you happened upon my famished aching self.  i was poorly searching for a savior, a coach - what you did is cursed.  i lived in the moment, then died in the dream.  and they were all just scenes that you orchestrated to save you from the reality of your situation.  so much faking. and lies to yourself that put you through hell, those around you as well.  scapegoats you buy and then sell.  i hope you dwell over all that you dispel, so it's never really passed up, it's always at home.

Stake Your Flag On My Land

i'm going to redirect the putrid thoughts that trifle my brain
there's a lot of things i'm going to do after i bury you

like all the things you strictly told me not to,
paint bathroom stalls with your number, immature for sure
but funny when you get called
the revolution will carry on for months, shedding old skin
-in new light, and we will all rejoice at fall
the orange blooms!
and i'll swoon along with all the fools
dancing in streets, drum beats, epic laughter
and i begin to like me bitter without the heat
i have desires but they're weak, barely speak
i keep things i shouldn't, i do things you wouldn't
but the bad guy was cleared this time
you agreed so yourself,
ah what a help!

i do things that i don't respect
-but they aren't regrets
a sheltered life is great,
but it's just not my taste
my heart is my anchor,
my sail, and it's fighting

reach out a hand
there's a million of me
out there

Sit Down & Get Comfortable

the way you won't talk, at any cost
it makes me colder that you sold out
in a minute, you were finished
- didn't even phone it in
i found out from a friend, she said
"did you hear the news"
you were just another body i was bound to lose
broken pieces of my wall, took it all too:
the romantic highs and starry skies
us laying on lawns, well before the fall
you pinched me, but i stayed asleep
that's why i'm to blame
i was in the eye of you the storm i never saw coming
dust kicking up, head turning and i catch you running
out in the distance, finally decided on a principle
but you love to support what you knows gonna fall
- and you still haven't called
baseless faces, left in love and don't know what to make of it
wore my heart on my sleeve, and here's to you for taking it
- said i was wasting it,
but you used it on shallow wounds that will never heal
- not when there's deeper ones there
and you ripped off the band-aid, out the window where i landed on the freeway
- ironic as irony has it's way of being
silly with a chilly hush that imprisons you in winter
startling frames where the fictions that remain i wanna make real
but it'll take a miracle and gods busy fixing your situation
now i'll toil, wait until you fold, so i can tell you no
for now though,
i'm on some eternal sunshine of the spotless mind miss you shit
i'm going out, just to keep the hell in
ready for anything, set my grievances on fire, took in the smoke
new life inhaled, it's all about a chance that hadn't been there
i owe you, said thank you, but u couldn't say welcome
and that really sums up the whole thing

e!

i'll wake up in the middle of the night and watch chelsea handler alone, not that we ever watched it together, but i'll laugh at it hysterically and still feel so empty.  why do things have to be so real?  i was riding my bike home today and i crashed into the wall on the bridge that goes over the highway.  i bounced off it and i immediately thought about how much i miss you.  how much i've missed you.  but also how all the hurt does no good.  life is so redundant and the pain plays games and the will to control the hurt is worthless and sends a shot of embarrassment through my body.

check yourself before you wreck yourself.

huh?

no seriously, think about it.

if the product is placed on the shelf it has to be sold.  and you were just delivering what you sold.  i'm not gonna get into how i bought it, let's not talk about buyers remorse.  i'm friendly, to an extent, but this was much worse.  i opened up my wallet, while you went through my pockets.  and i didn't feel robbed until too much time had passed where i had nothing to charge you with.  you left me in peril, i did more than dance with the devil.  we dined, and i tried to rebuke your shuffling deceit that you used against me constantly.

Happy Times

i'm confused,
when i left you were here
but when i got back from work
-you're gone, all you left was a note
that said
to, me
your
dead

and i was trying to figure out what the fuck that meant
then i remember i don't curse, and i gave up
deciphering your bottom line indifferent speech
a couple months ago, i made a promise to myself
not to cry until after dusk, and it's been going well enough
'til i woke at noon the other day, from a nap, from a dream
where you had come to stay, with me everyday
when the sleep evacuated my eyes, i began to cry
not for feeling pitiful, or angry
but because of what i get myself entangled in
how the freedom leaves
me
alone

and i feel done
with getting up from
getting my heart torn
from my chest, and i swore
you off for death,
so 'til then

make grand memories with your fantasy family
leave me out of them all,
can you see all the smiles?

happy times
leave me out of them all
leave me out of them all

You're A Liar And I'm On Fire

hey you told me to call if anything was ever wrong or i needed to talk
it's meghan
something's very wrong, and i need to talk
can i come over?
yeah i got no where to go, i know you don't wanna hear it but my hearts broken again.  and this time i don't know if i want to take the time wasting putting it back together. i'm a failure, i know you won't let me believe that cause you always say it's a lie, but trust me.  i set the bar myself and i know where i end up.
i just thought i had a little longer yanno?  until the camels back broke, if you get what i'm saying.
well i knew it couldn't stay the same for very long, i guess i just wanted more.  that's me though, nothing is ever enough, and things that come close push me off the edge.  i'm the most humane creature surrounded by the most sadistic demons.  the ones who premeditate the murders before they set out.  they march with their strong hands forgetting their scared alter-egos that they left at home but will catch up with later.  and make no mistake about it, this will be a public display undoubtedly.
don't worry i'll just keep my distance, hide in the shadows of the loveless monsters.  maybe even eat dinner with her disguised as her own kind.
my organs on the outside pumping noxious liquids that'll kill you if you sip them, blind you if you breathe them, and set fire to anything that dare touch it.  my mouth spilling lies that capture strangers by the brains and praise them and their ways. and i'm all so fake.  we make up these persona's to stave us from the real drama, armor that has an offense, worn against persons who possess no defense - so what's the purpose? 
you're caught up in highs and moments.  i was wishing for a life to start, not more reasons to feel ripped apart.

The Mounding Winter Snow

my love grows like the mounding winter snow
beautiful pastures are now bitter cold
smothered beneath this crazy white dust
was a beautiful grass, tender as it was rushed
and i'm failing, i'm falling, i'm landing, i'm free
but stored under white, the potential energy

but when that blazing ball of fire
resumes it position in the sky
the snow will all fade faster than
how quickly my heart died

Instant Gratification

instant gratification feels so amazing
and yesterday I threw it for a loop
doing all this crazy shit with you
and we blast it all to space
not a second to hesitate
me and you, we knew it
all along, as we scoured through it
found nothing worth keeping
sour dances we junked years ago
begging each other, for something
or another, chance or shot
something worth thinking about
i'll put that detached romance to rest
never allow it another breath
erase the feeling of complete devastation
compassion was lacked and i was taken
inching my heart closer to breaking
i'll try out a new one, fit it with armor
prepare it for war, we know it's sure

The Mended Staircase Story

i'll tell you as my body bounces with the train for one of the last times, i was walking down the steepest staircase, when it collapsed, not from weight but old age.  and i hit the bottom well ahead of plan, bones all broken i couldn't even stand, i prayed for death to come and steal me away, to let me land one way or another.  and one morning i woke up to the brightest light shining through my eyes and blanketing my body with the most comforting warmth.  then i heard a perfect hum and i realized its you who had come.  motionless you waited at the top of the shattered staircase, and i didn't need an epiphany because i knew what i had to do.  i started on that staircase, i used my broken bones to mend the steps - why had i considered waiting for death?  i'm stepping on myself to get to you, its all i could do.  and my body is like cloth as i drag it along, every hour a second nearer to you - what were me and death going to do?

The Last Sign

so you ask me if i feel silly and it seems like you haven't heard a word i've said.  no, i feel heartbroken and misplaced - knocking at doors when i should be home safe.  i feel fractured and empty, this isn't a joke.  i'm not a moniker for fun.  and you'd be surprised how much i build myself up.  days and hours i labor, my heart on a string i let slip away, caught up in a tree where it never visits me.  while its easier to cry in the cold and the blows hurt harder in the cold, slower to heal - and this is life in the now.

so, some tragic ends to us my friend, while walking with you all those months ago, i had no idea when i discovered this would all happen to you; the fairytale breakup, the mining for work - i don't know what to make of it.  i broke from your corner, away from the slaughter, i restarted my life and changed my makeup.  if i missed the powers i had with you, it didn't do me any good, i'd give it all back - only at the shot of a complete redo. for me.  for you.

did you ever once consider the future? what we'd do?
you made me think so.  your way of filling me up so you could deliver the last blow.

i'm overwhelmed with sadness, i hate you.
i was so liberated, freely moving like the air, not on any track or path.

A Strange Span

this invisible barrier people imagine around me
you didn't see, you carved straight into me
and attached all your weight and pretended you'd stay
but all the breaking hearts that were being ripped apart
tore like a savage into yours, now i love you all the more
and broken hearts are beautiful to mend, this isn't the end
but now mine is famished, almost dead from the damage
i know i can't ever see what i'd really like this to be
and alone in my room where the faces in the ceiling
remind me that life, is meaningless but filled
with strange spans where the demands of your heart
can't be satisfied, and we're all pulled apart

I Can't Wait To See You Again

i heard you're not working again
i could revert back to the languish
and lay in your bed
you can get up and make me coffee
i'll wonder why
we always have to watch shitty shows in the morning
i'll quit my job and sell the car
grab a drink, but buy the bar
trip all the way back to
- that place where we stay
we're all so fake

Blurry Hazed Horizons Are Wishing Me Well

the way the rays come through my window
i'm listening because it could be you
always sparkling and warm, but a shot in the dark
and you exist in a prism, i just can't get into
but you were born with enough, so i have nothing to offer
except for all the loving energy that comes to me
when i see your smile, and sure it's been awhile
but time can't take away from what's grounded within us
it's like a religion, i follow my heart cause
it's the only part of me that doesn't fight back
when i self-destruct - go running a muck
straight to your house, cut all the trees off of your property
so we all know how life there's been spent, dying and dead
nothing to shade you, so the rays have to hit you
and you'll feel what i'm feeling, and know we've been healing
the worst case scenarios that brewed within each other
you hurt me, but i forgive you
broke my heart, but
-i'd still give it to you

The Memory Of Being

you ruined what i loved about love
where what we had came from
how in the daily monotony, there can be
an instant between two people - that's deeper
than anything they've felt, a relationship formed
not from the pushed or planned
but from the brick and mortar
that make us such a sure thing
and so you set off with nothing, but fear
and a heart filled with building love
where all your happiness swarms from
and it's not just you and me - it's a godly scene
where everything that you don't see it exactly what revolts me
and leaves you battered, but at the time it didn't matter
you felt something but nothing that hurts you
only a hot plastic rose bush, that smells like perfection
and pleasure, mixed together, hot and heavy
-but it's all a collasal disaster, but i manage to master
the art of the broken heart, i've restablished
what it feels like to steal from the memory of being
-in love

Just Ask Me Nicely

hey, it's meghan.  i just wanted to check in and see how you are.  dammit i hate these voice mails, i always sound so stupid no matter what i'm saying.  but screw it, i miss you.  the hurt is an open wound in my soul, and when the sunsets and i fall asleep - i'm only at peace.  i didn't tell anyone what happened, well a few - but damn it hurts so bad someone has to hear.  i care about you in an almost motherly way, which is interesting, because i'm usually selfish.  but with you i worry something could happen, awful and unstoppable - i could never imagine mourning your loss, i'd have to mourn mine first -you piss me off though because i don't think you comprehend the ways you've so greatly changed every substantial ounce of once pitiful being - and i'm gentle now, maybe even kind sometimes.  after this though i've gone back to being mental, only not so tied up and relied in warm bodies i try and grow with.  you have me so angry sometimes i laugh, even that blows off steam.  you got me so happy, but i squander the joy, cause i've put up these walls where i truly believe i'm not something worth caring for, i'm not even bearable, and in my own skin i think i need a demolition, it would go rather quickly, i'd just have to clear all the rubble left from the several lives i've lead - student, alcoholic, addict, manic, heavyhearted, dumb founded, open minded, failure, bastard, retired, branded, bonded, clouded, aching, forsaking, love making, bread baking, heart attack faking, jaded, witness - and i've insisted on keeping all the pieces. up 'til now.  anyway the point is i can't go on much longer like this, we have to change everything.  if there's a way i could make this easy i'd find it and put it straight into action - but life is a puzzle where pieces don't fit, can't be found, or are missing.  i'm just sorry to you for my very existence. call me when you get this - we're magic and we'll make it happen.

The Battles Been Over, But I Wasn't In It

where do they live where they're numb from the pain? i'd come upon them and ruin their vision, tell them how much it hurts when another person who you love is gone forever, and all that's left is what you cherish.  and when you get weak from the cold you battle it much worse.  you see it in the faces, and moments and you measure how much damage this can do, and will you make it through?  i'll put them right in their place, explain there's no time to waste.  you have to grasp what you have, and hold on to it how you would hold our your hand, but i'm worn out from heartache so don't take my opinion too seriously.

all the running water stops, and i briefly wonder where you are
and why haven't you answered me?  i rustled up that part of you
never would have injected myself into your strife, but hey - you did
and now i surrender my love that hasn't been worth giving until it met you
and now you stand in your house and you look out the window
at all the happenings
you can't believe it- the actual existence- of happy people

Again With An Arrow

you're not what you spoke of
but it's something i'll learn from
people who pick people weaker than them
and i never could defend my defunct heart
and it's not what you talked of
it's something much worse, a poison, a curse
it was all about the sick satisfaction you got when
my heart felt like diseased pieces of memories
that still say forever, and they smother my reason
to stop it from breathing, keep me sheltered
at home with a filter, but what could've kill her?
the words are all flawless but filled with deception
is there any hope at resurrection?
but i reacted without a riot, a devoid heart quiet
now i stand with my hands behind my back
i wait for some slack, that i can't stand to have
the demons die down - they're too busy basking in my loves whereabouts
about you, the direction of the choices you're not making
the sounds of empty airwaves captures my mind
the sacred sensations you realize only in detail
when the lost fragments of your mind look to find
a little pleasure you accept won't last forever
gone in a minute is how we're gonna end it
-and now
my body is still raging from nights spent with you blazing
the fire all our desperate love created

Come Home To Me

i wouldn't admit it to myself but i knew
we had a shelf like of a
few couple weeks before it would creep
away from us, and we were nothing to scoff at
jesus won't you please, just come home to me
i'm tired and weak from roasting myself
on the front lawn, it was a sight to be seen
i was down on my knees, looking up in the clouds
just wanting to shout
won't you come home to me, how easy it'll be
wha it was before, when it was us we knew
we were living for, the love that was part of us from
WON'T YOU JUST COME HOME TO ME
-the beginning, i know you're not listening when i say
won't you come home to me and just stay
and i promise to keep the hurt from your eyes
you can lay with you head in my lap, and i'll rub your back
'til you fall asleep, and drift to far away places
where our love is making, all of this easy
where we can promote this love
where you're asleep now, where i won't let them get you
they'd have to go through me and a chest filled with hurt
and guilty anger that i got from the strangers
staying at my place - won't you just come home to me
and i know i don't hear it - but you love me, you swear it

Blanketed With A Blasé Hellion

my pants are warm cause they just got ironed
it feels like that missing fake empty happy
that i was always fond of
we wanted everything perfect, set it all up
took a deep breath in and our bodies exploded
numb from the people who brandished our aches
when we were away there was nothing at stake
and i wish it was winter, when our cravings were thinner
we survived off the drink, just took the liquor
but we meandered our better judgements and it ended up all over
on the streets, out to eat, alone in our house
but we maintained a distance, afraid it'd all bring us south
and it was kept simple, we died with routine as our only staple
truth is though i yearn for the miscues, it was what it had to do
more so though i crave for the slow heartbeats and flinching legs
never believing we'd have to leave bed, with our enemy at reach
we'd always be beat

I'm Sorry I'm Troubled

when i sit in my room consumed by defeat, i always only want to go two places, your house or the water.  i don't know what for, there's nothing wrong.  i'm doing well, in one piece, actually i have a lot going on with me.  i want to tell you.  i can't because i'll come off as arrogant - rubbing it in your face.

i'm lying, there's nothing, i'm sorry i'm troubled.  i saw someone who smelled like you and i smiled half heartedly and then burst out crying.  i was ripped open, and all was taken.  love was mistaken.  now i'm restricted to timeless sessions where my head pounds with what was found, when i know they were faking.  i'm admittedly scared as i wait for my life to establish itself, hell, i'll have to help.  i'm so mad at nothing and it frames me with daily assumptions that chances won't change, or people can't rearrange the furnishings of their lives, a balance and blend - not just the trend or routine - constant fixtures that you're lectured on to keep your distance from.

and i just want to sprout, grow out from here, not flee but reach further, but by roots stay where home is.  do it for me (?) i have only just begun to become a breeze you'd want to catch, something that could get you stirring.  no longer that howling in the night, filling you with fright.
and they cry when i let them, i really don't get them, but my face swells up and the tears spill - over.

Unoccuppied And Disoriented, Toyed With

i hear the train pass and i wish i was on it
headed out of town like i always wanted
and what keeps me here?  a couple unhappy endings
- i could spare
a couple lost moments that all left me hopeless
but where i'm at the party makes me feel lonesome
i know months away, i'll find a way
- to beat the odds
the mounting loss painfully subsides, i decide to crash at a diner
i have coffee
stare at the waitress - waiting on tables
everyone gets to where they are, but where they are never seems far
i sit scared and still and wonder when i'll see you again, if ever
and i if did would i be urged to cower, and curse you
and i'm so busy looking back and not forward
that i don't see any openings

Slipping Through Hands

because we're the sand
i'm having an emo breakdown
because i'm emotional and unstable
in these four walls, my thoughts reach for the door
they guide to where life could take me
if i'm not the blasted grave me
if i stop praying for you to save me
and somewhere decked out in the skin from the thousand souls whose lives i changed is that organic wholesome someone who will paint the thousand pictures, where i'm all in them, that change the way people explain how they function their brain and brace themselves for all the impending pain.  and the moon will stop making the tidal waves that smash our brains and turn them to the shore where they're walked on all the more.  all our senseless spectators amazed and taken back my the sea.  but not by you and me.  the tiny stones that make our brains, sticking to their skin, there until they swim - so we can end up in that angry sea, getting thrashed back to a shore that's pulling for you and me.

Your Insides Eat Mine

i'm not sure i can cure whatever it is that eats your insides
steals your will to stay alive, i thought i was changing things, getting you well, but you're trapped and were haulted at the point where things could have got better
i don't believe you can walk away, i'll be saved for another day
but if you wouldn't have woke me up i could have slept through the denial and devastation of the chance you say is not worth taking, and the prospects were supplied but the fruition denied and i'm about to walk away, like you can't, lay you down another day
my marvelous emotions floating away on an air balloon, towards the moon, and the day you told me to look at it, in all its glowing glory, it's days away, like the plans we made, and i'm always a little worried of where it all may go when i'm not around to know it - but i'm still days away, wasting away, waiting for another less lonesome day when my life will be made