Held Without Bail

today on the train something funny happened, in the sense that it was unexpected. there are two people who always get on together at wyandanch, one male and one female, who always sit together. but today when they got on she took a seat up front by the doors, and he sat next to me - on the inside (i always take an outside seat because i feel trapped on the inside, and okay yeah it discourages people from sitting next to me). so there was this awkward moment where he was putting his stuff above my seat in the overhead carrier, but i still didn't get that he wanted to sit next to me, and my headphones were on, so he had to mouth and gesture for me to get up to allow him access to the inner seat. most people are reluctant to take a seat that places them in the situation of having to communicate with another passenger, and this is why even though i felt him wanting the seat i didn't act on that feeling. anyway, when he sat next to me i felt at peace, as if we were together, in the same boat.

i imagined her telling him that she didn't love him anymore, but him behind her on the train, like he had always been behind her. him telling himself that she'll come around. we were both dressed in all black from head to toe, except my red hat - his was black, and his skin was black too and i thought his insides to be darker than mine because of the wear from his age. i thought that if i wanted i could rest my head upon his shoulder and that would be fine with him. not that i would ever attempt such a thing (not to say that i didn't want to). but if i needed to i felt comfort in believing that i could. so i sat and read Swift, and he sat with his eyes closed, and i felt like we shared more than just the commute.