Change The Course Of History, Then Disappear

before we connected i was sealed shut, you tapped in and i opened up.  you became privy to my deepest fears and greatest aspirations.  you understood, and told me they were tokens, and now that i had the keys - highs would be certain.  unfortunately for me i was the worst when i finally got a chance with the best.  now when i have something, i feel like shutting back down.  when i had your perspective i wasn't ever in search of my own.  i remember thinking how your view was the best i'd ever seen - now i'm reminded of it every time i wake from my lowly dreams.  what i saw through your eyes made me forgive my past, set my sights on leaving, only for the better, to rehash my plans then work hard from there.

people might think my tapering sadness was much to laugh at, but! hear me out,
you had founded me, established me, so much so, i hadn't minded. i finally believed in something (which easily could've been me).  i wonder if you're still alive up to what looks of no good.  taking over the identities of individuals, dragging their dying dreams off the shore, handing them a high that never would've been looked for, then just walking out, knowing it will all follow.  you left me alone and befuddled, searching for months at what you brought up.  a source of life that's so hard to get in touch.

my mentor since asked me if i was certain of your intent.
the ground shook roughly beneath me and i couldn't breathe.  it had seemed the oxygen had left the air, possibly what the new life that would live within me probably needed.
i froze up, my insides churned, then i finally gasped. this meant so much more than what my mentor had asked.

you might have helped me more than anyone, but i still hate you for it.  i'd kill to go back to when what-could-be wasn't rapping at my feet.  trying so hard to get so much from me.  i thought i could ravage your head, take out all the mistakes i'd made, melt them down, remold, and replace.
then you wouldn't know why we weren't talking in the first place.

tons of people make up lies about life, but the ones  you create hold up.
and i'm not quite sure why i hurt, but since you i know why i don't.